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In the shadow of the recent mass shooting in Atlanta, that left six women of Asian descent dead, it is essential that parents directly discuss the recent hate-fueled attacks with their children.
The history of discrimination against people of Asian descent is one of America’s unsavory stories. This story did not start with the latest rise in violent acts. Discrimination, isolation, and hate against Asians in the U.S. have been perpetuated for over a century and need to be taught and discussed with children. Parents: It is important to teach children that hate, whoever it is against, is not acceptable.
As a child and adolescent psychotherapist, I am curious to know if you, as parents, are addressing this topic with your children. If so, how are you addressing this often dismissed topic of racism? In this year of too much hate and trauma, perhaps you feel too tired, worn down, or just at a loss for words about yet another really uncomfortable topic. Yet all of these reasons pale against the gravity of our reality, in which many lives are at stake.
Last week, I had the privilege of speaking with several young Asian Americans to gain greater insight
and knowledge into how they were feeling and what they were thinking. When I asked: “What are you feeling and thinking in light of the rise of anti-asian hate?” a teen responded, “It shouldn’t take a tragedy for people to talk.”
A 20-year-old said: “After the shooting in Atlanta, I was surprised that none of my friends reached out to me. Not one of my professors brought it up in class. It is frustrating, hurtful, and upsetting that no one talks about the rise in hatred against people of Asian descent. I feel no sense of solidarity.”
I asked, “How has this rise in hate and violence changed your life?” and the teen replied, “I am afraid to go places by myself. I find I don’t trust people.” The 20-year-old added, “This hate isn’t new—it increased dramatically under the last administration, especially since the outbreak of COVID-19.”
Parents and grandparents: No matter what age your child is, please take this opportunity to build and develop their tolerance, acceptance, love, and kindness. This begins with having meaningful discussions—and demands you to listen.
Tips for talking to your kids about hate
- Speak openly. Be honest about bigotry, stereotypes, and sexism. This helps a child learn that it is not only okay to talk about these topics but it is necessary.
- Be present. Ask open-ended questions: “What have you been hearing and seeing about Asian hate and racism?” “Have you ever been discriminated against?” “How did it make you feel?”
- Who is in your community? Do all the people look and sound like you? What words do you use? What judgmental comments slip out of your mouth? Be mindful; your child is listening and watching.
- Do something. As a family, take a stand to challenge racism. Join a group, start a group—be active in working to solve the problem. We all in share in the responsibility to see ills and to stand up to help make the world a kinder and safer place.
Silence is never the only option.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/nancy-j-kislin-lcsw-mft
