Puppy Chaos to Peace: Mastering Mindset by Reframing

My husband and I recently adopted a sweet and timid 5-month-old puppy from the local animal shelter, who we named Bambi. When we first brought him home, he was terrified of everything and relied on our older dog, Derby, for guidance for weeks. He would only eat if Derby was nearby, would only get into the car if she jumped in first, and would only play with toys that she showed interest in. On walks, he stayed on our heels with his tail between his legs, never sniffing or even looking around.

Fast-forward to now—almost six months since that first day when he was so scared we couldn’t get him out of the car—and I’m currently watching him do full laps around the living room while trying to pull every pillow, blanket, cushion, and dog toy into his theatrics. He still has a lot of confidence to build out in the world, but in the safety of our home, he’s the most confident (and energetic) dog in the world.

As of this writing, Bambi has destroyed two expensive duvet covers, several plants (and their pots), a set of flannel sheets, numerous winter gloves, a mattress cover, and a rug, and has knocked over multiple cups of steaming coffee. I also have a constant array of bruises, each at a different stage of healing, from him jumping at me during playtime.

How My Thoughts Created My Feelings

At first, I was annoyed with his tornado-like behaviors. And then I started to get angry. I’d complain about him being out of control. We’d get frustrated with him and then with each other. It didn’t take long to realize how unhelpful our annoyance and anger was. I realized that these feelings were coming from the thoughts of “He shouldn’t be this hyper” or “He’s too wild.” These thoughts weren’t fair (or accurate), so I decided I needed to change them. When he’d knock into the coffee table so hard that all its contents went flying off, I’d think, “He’s such a puppy.” And when he was left alone for five seconds, which apparently is long enough to destroy a pillow, I’d think, “He hasn’t learned what to do with all his energy yet.”

This simple reframe was mind-blowing. I went from feeling frustrated and angry to amused and joyful. I was no longer focused on how bad he was but instead on finding new and fun ways to burn through his energy supply. And because I started saying these new thoughts aloud, my husband’s reactions changed as well. His impatience decreased, and his laughter increased. I noticed that he even started making the same comments whenever Bambi found a new level of energy or trouble. We now find ourselves laughing hysterically as we try and get him out the door before he has the chance to destroy anything else in his pathway.

What’s a Reframe?

The American Psychological Association defines reframing as “a process of reconceptualizing a problem by seeing it from a different perspective.” Reframing is when we find another way to think about or view a situation. Instead of viewing Bambi as being an out-of-control animal destroying all our belongings, we started viewing him as a creature who’s learning how to deal with a never-ending supply of energy. Reframing is a technique used by therapists to help clients change their mindsets, emotions, moods, and thoughts. It’s a simple yet powerful way to create instant change in our lives.

How to Reframe Your Thoughts in 5 Steps

1. First, be sure to do it in writing. When you’re new to reframing, it’s always helpful to start off by writing it out. By putting it on paper, you’re creating a bit of space between you and the situation, which makes it easier to find another perspective.

2. Identify the negative situation. Write a two- to three-sentence summary about what’s upsetting you. It doesn’t need to be elaborate or detailed, just a general overview of it.

3. Identify your negative thoughts. Write down the thoughts that are contributing to your negative feelings about the situation. What assumptions are you making? What thoughts are feeding your negative emotions or mood?

4. Now, take a step back and list three to five other possible perspectives. Consider the situation as though you are an observer looking at it from the outside. What are some other ways to think about it? What might someone else say about the situation?

5. Choose the one that creates a neutral feeling about the situation. It’s not about making yourself feel great about a negative situation; it’s about finding new ways to think about it that are less self-defeating, anxiety-provoking, or depressing. Try this new thought out whenever you catch yourself dwelling on the negative situation.

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My Challenge to You

What simple reframe would create massive change in your life? Perhaps there’s an annoying colleague, friend, or family member who wouldn’t bother you so much if you could change how you think about them. Or maybe there’s a situation out of your control that would feel less overwhelming if you could find another perspective.

Practice reframing one negative situation a week. The more you practice this, the better you’ll get at it. Soon, you won’t need to do it on paper because you’ll be doing it automatically in your head instead. It’s a game-changer, for sure. I can’t wait to see the positive impact it has on your life.