Dealing With Emotional Terrorists and Mental Abusers

Emotional abuse is everywhere, from the schoolyard to the bedroom. As hard as it may be to admit to yourself, if you are with someone who puts you down and makes you feel sick to your stomach when he or she actively or passively chooses to upset you, you are being emotionally abused.

Manipulation

Emotional abuse is about manipulation. The abuser feels empowered by his or her actions. This behavior is usually a learned one. Perhaps this person had a parent who was a bully and learned how to do it as a means of survival. However horrible, childhood circumstances are no excuse for perpetuating the cycle of abuse.

Public degradation

One of the most humiliating experiences is to be degraded in public. Someone can do this to you unintentionally, so if it happens once or even twice, and the other person agrees to change his or her behavior, it can be forgivable. But if it becomes a pattern, something at this person’s core is wrong, and it will make your life with him or her very uncomfortable.

You need to stand up and say how this behavior makes you feel. If you’re scared to do so, it may be best to have this conversation in the office of a professional—hopefully, a counselor rather than a lawyer or a police officer.

Withholding affection

Even if the degrading behavior is done in private, it can have a devastating effect on your self-worth. Sometimes people punish the ones they say they love by withholding affection. They will only be intimate on their terms, and if they don't get what they want, they will act out in other passive-aggressive ways, by being chronically late or by not communicating, for example. If this sounds familiar, I recommend that you put the brakes on it, and that means having a difficult discussion. Muster up your strength, get some support, and don't let this slide.

Threats

Threatening to break up is another weapon that emotional terrorists use. This tactic can easily throw you into a tailspin, making you do whatever the perpetrator wants. If your partner plays the break-up card, call his or her bluff and explain that you will not be treated in this manner. If your partner thinks that he or she can do better somewhere else, then perhaps the best thing would be for him or her to exercise that option. Do not let yourself be taken hostage.

Remember, the abuser is counting on you to fold like a cheap suit. Stand up for yourself, and don't let this person hurt you anymore. Being single can be painfully lonely, but being abused with no end in sight will never bring you happiness.