Ten Thoughts on Thoughtfulness

When we first get together with our mates, we tend to be very thoughtful. Over time, that way of being can get lost in the tornado of daily living. Here are ten tools to put the thoughtfulness back where it belongs.

T – Take Time. Couples who connect daily, have date nights, and take mini-vacations regularly have more satisfying relationships. If you make your relationship your priority, it won’t be hard to find the time to be together. Time is our most valuable commodity; share it with the one you love.

H – Hold Hands. We don’t touch enough; in fact, the average couple only touches twice a day. If you don’t share some nonsexual physical affection on a daily basis, you are touch starving one another. Tactile deprivation leads to resentment.

O – Offer Optimism. You don’t have to be a Pollyanna to see the glass as half full. If your partner is feeling low, give him or her a lift. Relationships require us to prepare for the worst while expecting the best and to be there for the ones we love.

U – Use Understanding. “Seek to understand before being understood” are some of the wisest words ever spoken. When someone feels understood, he or she can love more deeply and give you more of what you need.

G – Give Gentleness. I believe in honesty, but I think that so-called brutal honesty is just an excuse to criticize someone. Get real with yourself and look at how much it hurts when someone you care about talks down to you in the name of “setting you straight.” If you can’t say it gently, don’t say it until you can.

H – Help Heal. When the one you cherish is going through a rough patch, extend yourself as much as possible. After a few years we can become complaisant about our partner's emotional ups and downs. If you offer your emotional support, it will make both of your lives more pleasant.

T – Think Tenderly. Most of our energy is spent just trying to make it from one day to the next. By making tender gestures toward your mate, you end up making his or her life a bit sweeter. It’s all about the little things.

F – Find Forgiveness. If you are holding on to anger, it’s time to give it up. Forgiveness is a necessity for a long-lasting relationship, and the sooner you give it, the better you will feel. Once forgiveness is earned, you need to put the transgression behind you.

U – Unite Unselfishly. Share everything you can. Good relationships have very little to do with "me and mine." It has got to be much more about "yours and ours."

L – Love Limitlessly. When you love with your whole heart, your partner will feel it. It’s an amazing sensation, and once you get it into your system, you never want it to go away.

Being thoughtful costs you nothing, but it can give you one of the most valuable things in life: a wonderful relationship.