Coping With Difficult Emotions Post-Election

On November 9, 2016, many Americans woke up with a heavy heart. This isn’t about whether you voted for Trump, Clinton, a 3rd party candidate, or didn’t vote at all. It’s about bearing witness to a country divided. We’ve sparred with “friends” on social media, turned our backs on neighbors with differing political views, and watched a spotlight shine on the ugliest and most painful aspects of our society.

Here in New York City there is an eerie quietness, as if the whole city has sunk into a depression. It is easy to get swept into that emotion and immerse yourself in feelings of sadness, anger, fear, helplessness, and hopelessness. And that is okay. There is no right or wrong way to experience this event. I’ve seen a number of posts on social media trying to elicit shame for feeling certain ways. If there is one thing that I know for sure, it’s that our world does not need any more shame. Shame causes people to shut down and disengage, exactly the opposite of what we need right now. There is no shame in feeling whatever it is that you feel. Feelings are a transitory state. They come and go, shift and change. They are not a reflection of your moral character.

Over the past week, I’ve heard a lot about healing. And I agree, we all need to heal. But before we can heal, we need to allow ourselves to feel. Coping with difficult emotions is about tolerating difficult emotions. These emotions can be uncomfortable, painful, even heart wrenching. But—and I hate to be the bearer of bad news—there is no way to circumvent difficult feelings. We may try to smile when we feel anything but happy or push the feelings away using food, alcohol, drugs, sex, Netflix, or anything else that numbs us. But eventually the feelings come back, usually with a vengeance, and we need to face them. The only path to move forward is to move through the feelings. We do that by leaning in to the emotions. During this difficult time, it is imperative that we allow ourselves the space we need to honor and process our feelings and that we extend that same courtesy to our friends (both our real ones and social media ones), family, colleagues, neighbors, and fellow Americans. We are all doing the best that we can and—whether we like it or not—we are all in this together.

Looking for some practical tips to help cope with difficult emotions? Read my follow-up post "3 Tips for Managing Post-Election Emotions"

Dr. Alexis Conason is a clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City specializing in body image and overeating disorders. To learn more about Dr. Conason's practice and mindful eating, please visit www.drconason.com, like her on Facebook, and follow her on Twitter.