How to Beat the Blues

Having experienced depression at various points in my long life, I know how difficult it can be. Our instincts when we feel depressed are often to withdraw, to shut down, to remain silent and isolated. Yet, I have found personally that it is often beneficial to do just the opposite: To fight back.

Depression in my own case has often come about as a result of an exterior event, the kind of loss that probably comes to all of us at some point in our lives: loss of a job, a beloved partner, or just an unexpected rejection from a dear friend. Instead of dwelling on our pain, it may be helpful on the contrary to take up the arms at our disposal, and face the enemy.

A therapist once told me to wrestle with my depression almost as if it were a wild animal I had to conquer. I saw myself fighting with a lion! Above all, it seems necessary to combat our feelings of lethargy, to answer the question: What's the point of it all in the end? This is so often accompanied by feelings of guilt or shame—that can undo us. We have to act.

Many kinds of actions are helpful. By taking action, we can at least plan a strategy. As the French say, if you have missed one bus, take the next.

We can look around for a substitute for what we have lost: a new position, a new boyfriend or girlfriend, a new way to get out of our own heads and into the world. Meaningful work is always indicated if we can find it. Even writing a blog post about depression and sharing our thoughts and feelings with others can be helpful to both them and ourselves.

We can think of how to combat our dilemma, to show the person we may think has wronged us what we can accomplish and how we might shine, how mistaken they have been. We can talk to a friend, ask for advice from a colleague, or even have an argument with our spouse. We can go for a run, practice yoga, or just take a walk in nature and admire it. We can go out for dinner or coffee with a friend. Above all, we need to think of ways to resist turning inward and blaming ourselves, or directing our anger at ourselves, something that may come naturally to those of us who tend to blame ourselves too easily.

If you are a reader, a book can be a great help. Humor is wonderful in these cases. A story like Gogol's "The Nose" may provoke a laugh or at least an idea of how absurd life can be. Or we can go back to Freud's Mourning and Melancholia, such a helpful text, and look at the different reactions to loss. Or on the contrary, we can read of the sorrows of others in some Russian tragedy such as "Crime and Punishment" and realize, perhaps, that our own troubles are trivial in comparison. We are not about to murder an ancient pawnbroker for her money!

It is an effort but a worthwhile one to resist the impulse to isolate, to turn inwards, and above all, to diminish own self-respect. Whatever has happened and however much we may be to blame, we need to look around and count our losses realistically. We need to remember what we have accomplished before and might very well do again. We need to remember that success often comes out of failure.