What Would You Say to Your 16-Year-Old Self?

Recently, the American Psychological Association asked me to participate in an interesting and fun project designed primarily for psychology students. It involved asking me to write a letter to my 16-year-old self giving advice to the younger me from the older (and hopefully a bit wiser) me. So, if you were writing a letter to your 16-year-old self, what would you say? What advice and wisdom would you share? What lessons have you learned in life that you might wish to express to a much younger version of yourself?

Often we hear the famous George Bernard Shaw quote, "youth is wasted on the young.” In other words, many people feel that there is a great deal of promise and opportunity in youth that might get lost on young people and that with some age, life experience, a few hard knocks, and wisdom from life events and lessons, we might make different choices if we had to do it all over again.

The famous psychoanalyst, Erik Erikson, offered a life span developmental approach and model that, in part, highlighted the notion of generativity. This is the concept that as we experience middle age (and beyond), we wish to pass on our wisdom and lessons learned in life to a younger generation. However, the younger generation is often not really that interested in learning much from those who are older. They too frequently tune elders out. Perhaps this is a mistake on their part. There is much to learn from the wisdom of elders yet many don’t necessarily see it until they too are older and wiser.

So, if you had the opportunity to reflect on your life and go back in time to offer your thoughts to your younger self, what would you say?

Here’s my letter to my younger self. How about yours?

Dear Tommy at 16.

This is your 57-year-old self now sending a letter to you (the 16-year-old version).

No matter how thoughtful or wise, advice is so hard to receive since most people need to discover things on their own and often want to do things in their own way and in their own time. Yet, I hope that you will listen to your older and perhaps wiser self, and consider the following 5 items of advice for your reflection.

1. Treat everyone, even those you don’t agree with or even don’t like very much, with great kindness and respect. The adult world, even in areas like psychology, higher education, and health care, can be competitive, mean-spirited, and unkind at times. Don’t falter from your efforts to be respectful and compassionate to everyone (even when you are tempted to do otherwise). It will serve you well, you’ll sleep better at night, and it is the just the right thing to do as an ethical human being. In a nutshell, treat others as you wish to be treated and try to see the good and sacred in all. Always remember the words of Michelle Obama, “When they go low, we go high.”

2. Try your best to surround yourself with people who are ethical, gracious, and are trying to make the world a better place. Our society seems to be getting more and more selfish and narcissistic with an attitude that “it’s all about me.” It isn’t! It’s about “us” and the common good. Stay close to others who are working hard to make the world a more humane, just, and compassionate place and with people who are not too full of themselves. Don’t be afraid to give corrective feedback to those who act entitled, demanding, and narcissistic. And always stand up to people who are bullying and disrespecting others.

3. Keep up with the rapid changes in society and remember that no matter how fast the world spins, for good or for bad, it is evolving in ways that are often unpredictable and sometimes scary. Hold on for the ride, keep on top of things, don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone, and don’t get too nostalgic for the “old days.” Remember that we live in the world that we live in and not necessarily in the world that we’d like to live in. Adapt!

4. Be quick to compliment, thank, and appreciate others. Be grateful. Laugh a lot. And give hugs freely and often.

5. And finally, in the words of St. Ignatius, the founder of the Jesuits, “Go set the world on fire!” In other words, go out there and try your very best to make the world a better place! Be part of the solution and not part of the problem. The world so desperately needs humble helpers of good will and kindness focused on the common good. Be that person!

May life be kind to you and may you be blessed with good health, healthy loving relationships, hearty laughter, and a vocation that gives you great meaning, purpose, and joy.

Your older (and perhaps a bit wiser) self,

Tom

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copyright 2016, Thomas G. Plante, PhD, ABPP