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While we may hope for one of those ideal Norman-Rockwell-Christmas-with-the-family experiences, we all know that reality is often very different from fantasy when it comes to the holidays. Sadly, the holidays can be pretty stressful and unpleasant for many who may not look forward to spending a lot of time with people that they don't particularly like but feel obligated to be with during this time of year.
I'd like to offer seven strategies for survival. So, consider doing the right thing for yourself (and perhaps others too) by using the following:
- Don't take the bait. Some relatives may use the holidays to act out family dynamics, old sibling rivalries, and so forth. Comments are made, questions are asked, and behavior occurs that all try to get you to explode with upset. If it has happened before to you, it will likely happen again from the same people, so expect it and don't take the bait. If you know it is coming you can plan for it. The remaining strategies may help you not to go there.
- Watch your alcohol consumption. It can be easy to drink too much during these gatherings and then you are more likely to have troubles with family dynamics and impulse control. Be mindful of how much you are drinking and think less is more when it comes to alcohol.
- Put brakes on your impulses by counting to 10 (slowly and in another language if you need to). When you are confronted with a family member who irritates you get ready to count before you say anything.
- Take an adult time-out. While it may be hard to take a walk around the block given the weather this time of year in much of the country, there may be other ways that you can take a time out during the holiday events. Perhaps seeing what the kids are doing, going to the bathroom, or helping with the dishes or preparations can get you some time away from folks who drive you crazy. Maybe this is the real reason why there is always football to watch on Christmas. If you can take a walk, then that can be a bonus (as well as good for your body to boot).
- Learn to observe. Try to develop what we psychologists call an "observing ego." Try to take yourself out of the situation you are in and observe it similar to if you were watching a movie. It may give you a bit of distance to do so without getting emotionally involved.
- Keep the big picture in mind. While we all may love to have an ideal holiday with family and friends, the reality is that most people really don't have the kind of relationships that we wished we had. The big picture for some is that you have to survive a few hours or days with the family during the holidays and then you can get back to your normal life. The big picture is to survive without too much family drama. Keep the expectations reasonable and doable.
- Be grateful. No matter how stressful our families can be, it really is important to be grateful for what we do have. If you are reading this post, you are alive, have internet access, and have at least some free time to surf the net. Be grateful for that.
Consider using these seven principles this holiday season and see what happens. Hopefully, it will make your experience less stressful.
