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Key points
- With so much overwhelming news in recent times, a common mental state we are experiencing is worry.
- Worrying in the past about a situation that turned out OK has trained our brain to falsely associate worry with positive outcomes.
- Some methods of dealing with that nagging dread include identifying worry, expressing it, and replacing it with healthier habits.
It can feel overwhelming right now. One mental state that I’d bet we have all experienced recently is worry. With so much change happening in every facet of life, it’s normal to feel worried from time to time. We don’t know how things are going to work out, and that uncertainty creates a deep sense of discomfort.
Worry isn’t a pleasant feeling or state of mind, yet we go there repeatedly. The hardest part of worrying about uncertain situations is the point where you spiral. In stressful times when we most need restorative rest, we can find ourselves lying awake in the small hours, worrying over things that we can’t control. Your mind runs away with the worst-case scenario, and you feel worse and worse.
If worry doesn’t make us feel good, why do we do it?
It seems to work like this. In the past, we’ve worried about something, but everything has turned out OK. The result is that our brain pairs the feeling of worry with a positive outcome. The brain becomes convinced that worrying helps us get the result that we want.
And sometimes it can. That dreadful feeling can motivate us into action and might help solve the problem. If we consider the fight-or-flight response, it seems likely that we evolved to experience worry in order to push us towards action when we need it.
But just like the fight-or-flight response in our modern lives, worry rarely helps at all and can actually make things harder. Severe worry is stressful. It prevents us from resting and relaxing. It hinders our ability to go about our day and take care of our lives. It takes control of our thoughts and saps our energy.
The good news is there are methods of dealing with these nagging feelings of dread and worry. We can’t stop hurricanes, bad news, pandemics, or the clock, but it helps to acknowledge your worry and then focus on what you can control. Here’s how.
1. Identify unproductive worrying.
Productive worries lead to actions that give us more control of our environment, whereas unproductive worries make us feel even more anxious and uncertain and can become a vicious cycle. Try to differentiate how much of your worrying is productive (making sure there’s enough food in the house) versus unproductive (staying up all night thinking about worst-case scenarios). If there’s nothing you can do about it, it’s not yours to worry about.
2. Express your worry.
Instead of letting the worries go round and round in your head, try keeping a worry journal. Set aside a defined period—perhaps 15 minutes—when you will give yourself full permission to worry. Write all your fears and worries down in a notebook. Once the time is up, or you’ve run out of worries to record, put the notebook away and let it all go.
Your worry journal can act as a parking space for unproductive worries so that they don’t keep circling around your mind, looking for a space to park. Many people find that by writing it all down, they can interrupt the constant cycle of thoughts and move on, free to think about and do other things.
3. Practice mindfulness.
Try to bring moments of mindfulness into your day by sitting in active and intentional awareness. You can exercise mindfulness when sitting at the kitchen table eating your lunch: Feel the chair under your body; appreciate the texture of the food as you chew; note the sensation of going from hungry to satisfied.
Mindfulness is not easy, but it’s incredibly powerful. To hone the skill, you can practice mindfulness more formally through mindfulness meditation, which trains you to better manage racing thoughts and stay grounded and present when troubling uncertainty abounds.
4. Develop habits and routines for a sense of control.
Much of the uncertainty comes from the lack of an end date to all the physical distancing, health threats, second or subsequent waves, and further lockdowns. When worry threatens to overwhelm you, it helps to recommit to your structure and routine, so you can feel a sense of control on a smaller, more individual scale. Choosing a few helpful habits, building them into your routines, and sticking to them can help tame your worry more than you realize. Habits become automatic and give us a sense of predictability and control. Plus, when we complete a task, we feel a sense of accomplishment, and that boosts our mood.
Habits and routines can help with any moment of uncertainty in life, well beyond this pandemic. Maybe you ended a relationship and feel aimless and confused about the future, or you moved across the country for a job to a town where you don’t know a soul.
Not knowing how things will pan out is scary, but establishing some structure, building helpful habits into your routine, and setting small, attainable goals can help you keep going. Try setting up an activity calendar (for work and fun stuff) and sticking to it as much as possible—even when you don’t feel like it and would rather crash on the couch.
5. Seek humor.
Whether it’s a TV show, funny tweets, or a group chat with friends, humor is very much about the here and now. The more we’re in that headspace, the less our minds travel to the future and remind us of how uncertain it is.
6. Accept what you can’t control.
Acknowledging that we can’t control and change everything is really important. This is easier said than done, but acceptance is a big step towards regaining peace of mind. Wanting to know and control everything fuels uncertainty, and obsessive consumption of information—grasping for certainty—can make things worse. Seeking information is vital, and keeping up with the news is important, but constantly refreshing your news and social media feeds only adds to your anxiety.
Uncertainty and anxiety are popping up everywhere. You can find more tips about how to manage your mental health in these pandemic times in my book, Steady: Keeping Calm in a World Gone Viral—A Guide to Better Mental Health Through and Beyond the Coronavirus Pandemic.
