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Motivation
Break the Rulz!
Break the Rulz: When are rules really suggestions?
Posted October 8, 2009
The famous psychologist B. F. Skinner once wrote that all human behavior can be viewed as being adaptive to either the individual, the gene pool, or to society at large. However, these three forces are often at odds, causing significant tension. The rules made by society are a huge presence in our lives, created by the government, religious groups, our employers, our schools, our neighbors, and our families. Because these social groups craft the explicit rules around us, we often find ourselves in situations where we are driven to break them to satisfy our personal desires or the drives of our species. These social rules and norms are designed to make the world around us more organized and predictable, and to prevent us from hurting one another.
But when is a rule really just a suggestion? And when do suggestions morph into rules? Every day, physical signs tell all of us what to do, written instructions direct us how to behave, and social guidelines urge us to act within specific parameters. In fact, we also make lots of rules for ourselves, in large part encouraged by others. These rules become woven into our individual fabric as we go through life. We draw imaginary lines around what we think we can do—lines that often limit us much more than the rules imposed by society at large. We define ourselves by our professions, our income, where we live, the car we drive, our education, and even by our horoscope. Each definition locks us into specific assumptions about who we are and what we can do. I’m reminded of a famous line from the movie My Dinner with Andre, that states that New Yorkers “are both guards and prisoners and as a result they no longer have . . . the capacity to leave the prison they have made, or even see it as a prison.” We always make our own prisons, with rules that we each create for ourselves, locking us into specific roles and out of an endless array of possibilities.
What if you challenge the underlying assumptions? What are the consequences—good and bad—of getting off the prescribed path? What happens to those who break the rules? Larry Page, co-founder of Google, gave a lecture at Stanford in which he encouraged the audience to break free from established guidelines by having a healthy disregard for the impossible. That is, to think as big as possible. He noted that it is often easier to have big goals than to have small goals. With small goals, there are very specific ways to reach them and more ways they can go wrong. With big goals, you are usually allocated more resources and there are more ways to achieve them. This is an interesting insight. Imagine that you are trying to get from San Francisco to Kabul. There are lots of different routes, you will likely give yourself the time and resources to get there, and you will be flexible if things don’t unfold as planned. But if your goal is to go across town, then the path is pretty clear and you expect it to be a quick trip. If the road is blocked for some reason, you are stuck and frustrated. One of the reasons Google has been so successful is their willingness to tackle hard problems with an undefined path to completion.
My old buddy John Stiggelbout broke a lot of rules when applying to graduate school. He did something that any normal person would think was a crazy, and it turned out to be inspired. He decided at the last minute that he wanted to go to business school. Having missed all the deadlines, he chose to make his application stand out among the others in an unconventional way. Instead of touting his impressive accomplishments, as most applicants do, he augmented his traditional application with a letter of reference written by a past professor claiming to be John’s best friend and cell mate in prison. The letter described John in the most unusual terms that any admissions committee had ever seen, including his ability to open a mason jar with his belch. Instead of knocking John out of the running, those in the admissions office were incredibly curious to meet him and invited John to visit the school. John was nice enough to dig up the letter so you can see it, too.
I met John Stiggelbout as a fellow Greyhound bus passenger. He must have passed out on the floor at the back. I found him next to a Styrofoam cup and a candy wrapper, covered with cigarette butts, holding an empty MD 20/20 bottle. I am his best friend. We were cell mates after we got caught robbing the 7/11. After a hearty meal at the Salvation Army, we once went to a revival meeting where we were both trying to pick up the same girl. (He takes defeat and humiliation well; he is obviously a practiced loser.) He has impressive qualities that any struggling Junior Achievement Company or small family laundry could put to good use. He covers his brown and yellow teeth when he yawns, and opens the window when he spits. He can whistle loud using his fingers, and can crack a mason jar with his burp. He showers once a month. He uses soap when he can. He needs a place so he doesn’t have to sleep in the bus station restroom. He needs to fi nd a position with a large company where his heavy drinking and sexual preference for exotic birds will not get him fired the first day on the job. Anyone with a sexual preference for exotic birds is both original and independent of thought. In fact, he is so independent of thought that he is utterly devoid of it. This guy will do anything for a drink. He may even work.
Now that Stiggs is out of jail, I’m sure his parole officer would not mind if some graduate school looked after him for a bit. He is a great leader in the Hells Angels, and all the boys I talked to thought he would make a hell of a white collar criminal. Of all the people I have found on the floor, passed out in the back of a bus, this guy is the best. My overall impression is that he is not as good as I make him out to be. Get me out of jail so that I can go to Chicago instead of him.
Buford T. Morton, Inmate #335342
Walla Walla Federal Penitentiary
Walla Walla, Washington
Once John arrived for the interview, everyone in the office was peeking out of his or her doors, hoping to get a look at the fellow who submitted the wild application. He was polite and poised during his interview, and was admitted.
Rules are often meant to be broken. This concept is captured in the oft-used phrase “Don’t ask for permission, but beg for forgiveness.” Most rules are in place as the lowest common denominator, making sure that those who don’t have a clue what to do stay within the boundaries. If you ask someone how to go about making a movie, starting a company, getting into graduate school, or running for political office, you will usually get a long recipe that involves getting incrementally more support from those who are already in these fields. It involves agents and seed funding and exams and approvals. The majority of people choose to follow those rules - and others don’t.
It is important to keep in mind that there are often creative ways to work around the rules, to jump over the traditional hurdles, and to get to your goal by taking a side route. Just as most people wait in a never-ending line of traffic on the main route to the highway, others who are more adventurous try to find a side road to get to their destination more quickly. Of course, some rules are in place to protect our safety, to keep order, and to create a process that works for a large number of people. But it is worth questioning rules along the way. Sometimes side roads around the rules can get you to your goal even when the traditional paths appear blocked.
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This is an edited excerpt from What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20: A Crash Course on Making Your Place in the World, by Tina Seelig and published by HarperCollins in April 2009.
