Choose to Be Present Rather Than Perfect

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In a world that often celebrates achievement and success, the pursuit of perfection can become an unhealthy obsession. Perfectionism, characterized by setting impossibly high standards and a constant fear of failure, is associated with stress, anxiety, and other health and relationship problems (Hewitt, Flett, & Mikail 2017). An alternative approach is mindfulness. By embracing the present and accepting ourselves, we can counteract the negative effects of perfectionism.

The Pitfalls of Perfectionism

Although striving for perfection can drive success, it can also have a downside.

• Fear of failure and criticism: Perfectionists think their worth depends on being perfect, so they dread failure, and any criticism, even when it’s helpful, can feel like a personal attack because it threatens their need to be perfect.
• Procrastination and avoidance: The overwhelming fear of not doing something perfectly can paralyze perfectionists, leading to procrastination. To avoid the possibility of failing, they may avoid taking risks and trying new things.
• Self-criticism and low self-esteem: Perfectionism often breeds a harsh inner critic, chipping away at your self-worth and hindering your ability to be kind and understanding toward yourself. Perfectionists tie their value to external achievements, making it challenging to appreciate themself outside of their accomplishments.
• Relationship strain: Perfectionism can extend to interpersonal relationships when individuals impose unrealistic expectations on family members, friends, and colleagues. This can strain relationships as the focus shifts from connection to judgment and difficulty accepting others’ shortcomings.
• Burnout and exhaustion: The relentless pursuit of perfection and the tendency to overwork can lead to chronic stress, burnout, and neglecting self-care and other aspects of well-being.

Mindfulness Is an Antidote to Perfectionism

Mindfulness involves being fully present in the current moment and tuning in to all aspects of ourselves, our surroundings, and our experiences. It’s a natural antidote to perfectionism, which keeps us ruminating about the past or the future. We worry about our performance. We anticipate embarrassment or rejection if we aren’t perfect. We can’t enjoy the present because we’re busy trying to control what will happen. We waste time ruminating about mistakes. And we beat ourselves up with harsh criticism that only acknowledges our mistakes—never our progress—and diminishes our self-esteem instead of helping us learn and grow.

By practicing mindfulness, we can:

• Challenge negative perfectionist thoughts: By observing our thoughts without judgment, we can identify and challenge the distorted thinking patterns behind perfectionism.
• Develop self-compassion: Mindfulness fosters a sense of self-awareness and empathy, allowing us to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, even when we make mistakes.
• Increase emotional regulation: Mindfulness helps us become aware of our emotions without being controlled by them, enabling us to respond to situations in a more balanced and effective way.
• Embrace the learning process: By accepting that mistakes are inevitable parts of learning and growth, we can approach challenges with a more open and flexible mindset.

Simple Mindfulness Practices

Here are some simple mindfulness exercises to get you started:

Walking meditation. Find a quiet place to walk indoors or outdoors. Focus on the sensations of your feet and body as you walk. Use all of your senses to notice your environment. If your mind wanders to worries or self-criticism, gently bring your attention back to your steps.

Walking meditation grounds us in the present moment, reducing the ruminations common to perfectionism. It teaches us to simply be with our bodies in motion, without striving for any specific outcome.

Mindful eating. Choose a small snack and quiet space for this exercise. Before consuming it, observe its texture, color, temperature, smell, and so forth. Take a small bite, paying close attention to the flavors, textures, and temperature on your tongue. As you continue eating, savor your snack, giving it your full attention. Again, if you feel distracted or pulled to scroll through your phone, bring your awareness back to the experience of eating.

Mindful eating forces us to slow down and appreciate the simple act of nourishing ourselves. It combats the perfectionist tendency to rush through experiences without enjoyment.

Noticing your feelings. Set a timer for 5 minutes and find a quiet place. Close your eyes, if it feels comfortable, and focus on your breath. Identify your feelings, notice where you experience the emotions in your body, be curious about why you’re feeling this way, and allow your feelings space to exist without trying to change them (Martin 2019).

This exercise encourages us to slow down and pay attention to the wisdom contained in our emotions, while also learning to tolerate uncomfortable feelings. It helps us create distance between the perfectionistic taskmaster and our true selves, reducing the impact of self-judgment.

Choosing to be present-focused instead of perfectionistic is a conscious decision that can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life. Mindfulness can be a powerful tool to break free from perfectionism, allowing us to accept ourselves, enjoy the process—not just the outcome, and cultivate meaningful connections. By incorporating practical strategies for mindful living, you can navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience and self-compassion and appreciate the present moment.