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Today is Sunday and that means Kristi has her sights set on three-dollar bagels from the farmers' market. I, on the other hand, would prefer to spend this money on important things like our children's education and/or beer. In other words, we have a marital conundrum.
On Kristi's side is many years of education leading very soon to a PhD in Clinical Psychology. But on my side is the power of illogic. For more of this extremely important background information, please see yesterday's post. Or just skip to the strategies below, which will ensure your success in any and all disputes.
• Denying the Antecedent: If x, then y. Not x. Therefore not y-"If I had fudge on my chin, you'd know I bogarted the very last of the jamocha almond fudge. Do you see said fudge? No. Thus am I exonerated!"
• Disjunctive Fallacy: X and/or y. Not x. Therefore not y-"So, I see you accuse both me and the dog. But in fact the dog is allergic to chocolate! Thus am I exonerated!"
• Division Fallacy: assuming that all individuals posses characteristics of the group (this is stereotypical stereotyping)--"It's in the nature of a middle-aged woman to bogart the very last of the jamocha almond fudge. Thus you, my dear wife-and not I-have done exactly that."
• Existential Fallacy: Are there any members in that category?-"Standing before you are all the people who have not bogarted the very last of the jamocha almond fudge. You are the only other suspect. Thus, j'accuse!"
• False Analogy: A misleading comparison-"Gandhi, a man similar to myself in many respects, wouldn't have bogarted the last of the jamocha almond fudge."
Stay tuned: if you're still not finding argumentative success, don't despair. I'll post additional illogic over the next three days. And if you use one of these strategies, please let me know how it works! With your win/loss data we can rank this list and conquer the world! (Or at least save on bagels.)
--Brain Candy: Science, Paradoxes, Puzzles, Logic and Illogic to Nourish Your Neurons (Three Rivers Press, August 3, 2010)
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