The Reason Many Autistics Prefer Not to Make Eye Contact

At 11 years old, I stood next to my resource instructor as we worked through the tasks on my behavior plan. My task: three seconds of eye contact. "This isn't like real life," I thought. I appreciated that to a degree. Making eye contact was not instinctual to me in conversation. I took the opportunity to study her eyes. Her eyes remained blue, just like yesterday. We looked away until I was prompted to try again. I wanted to make friends, and this was supposed to help me do that. Yet, I wasn't sure how that goal would be accomplished here. I'm still not.

Why Many Autistic People Prefer Not to Make Eye Contact

While not all autistic people prefer not to make eye contact, a lack of eye contact has long been associated with autism. The eye avoidance hypothesis asserts that avoidance of eye contact in autism could be a regulatory strategy due to over-activation of the autistic brain's threat system when eye contact is made. In a review of 11 fMRI studies, eight revealed a hyper-activation of the amygdala, a brain region key in threat-based emotions like fear when presented with pictures of eyes (Stuart et al., 2023).

This overactivity reflects the lived experience of autistic individuals who have reported overwhelm with eye contact. One study of autistic adults and adolescents found that many experience sensory overwhelm, distress, and distraction when trying to make eye contact (Trevisan et al., 2017). Some who have these experiences may try to compensate by looking toward a person's face or mimicking eye contact (a masking behavior); however, this may detract from the autistic person's comfort and ability to participate authentically in the conversation.

Autism has also been marked by a processing style with an increased focus on details (Happe et al., 2006). Eyes carry intertwined and intricate visual and emotional features. When making eye contact, a neurotypical person might filter out details that an autistic person doesn't. It makes sense that the autistic person might be presented with an incredible amount of information to process when making direct eye contact. They might get lost in all the processing required.

The Problem With Forcing Eye Contact

Teaching eye contact is often a core component of social skills training for autistic individuals. In my own experience, I remember a social skills instructor telling me that people look toward what they are paying attention to. This never occurred to me as it is not always true for me. Although I have taken time to adapt and build my capacity for eye contact in certain interactions, there are times when my focus seems sharpest when my eyes are averted.

The trouble with forcing eye contact with autistic individuals is that, unlike neurotypicals who may find eye contact socially enhancing, many find it distressing. The behavior of eye contact can be reinforced and reflected in increased engagement of that behavior. Yet, if more eye contact means less comfort and focus, should this be an objective of therapy? Is eye contact a skill at all, or, merely a behavior?

Alternatives

Rather than approaching eye contact as a skill to be taught, another route therapy could take might be focusing on the reason behind encouraging eye contact. For example, if someone is seeking help with the hope of increasing the number and quality of friendships, perhaps therapy can start directly from that objective. Understanding the neurotypical social norm of eye contact might be a part of this. The autistic person's experience of eye contact and whether or not they would like to make eye contact more often are also important topics to consider and discuss. If not, alternative strategies such as communicating directly and self-advocacy might be preferable.

Unfortunately, lack of eye contact remains a misunderstood social signal. Neurotypical people sometimes view averted eye contact as evidence of disinterest or deception. During a job interview, an autistic candidate might choose to make eye contact, which would feel awkward and potentially decrease their abilities in other areas of the job interview, or avoid eye contact, risking the interviewers' judgments.

Another alternative could be community education on autistic social needs and social norms. Increased understanding that a segment of the population finds eye contact difficult due to a processing difference, could make the world more kind and accommodating to autistic individuals.

In Closing

Many autistic people prefer not to make eye contact. Information processing differences and neurological phenomena likely underpin this preference. Through furthering community understanding, we can create a more welcoming world for all.