5 Ways to Connect With Your Friend Experiencing Depression

I can not say how many times I have met people who have lost friendships through depression. Depression wraps itself around us like a 50-pound blanket, making things that we usually love feel impossible, including keeping up with those we care about. Sometimes, others don't know how to react when a friend is withdrawing or acting low so they ignore it. Other times, friends do not recognize that the person in their life is experiencing depression and instead take it personally. Here are five ways you can connect with someone going through a depressive episode.

1. Be There

You don't have to be a mental health professional to be there. Being there is just that, staying present for your friends even as they struggle. No therapy is involved. When someone is hurting, it is natural for us to want to come in and soothe their pain. Sometimes, though, that is beyond reach, and what would be infinitely more meaningful is for someone to be there.

2. Give an Open Invitation

Your friend might not always feel like talking, but letting your friend know that you are here if needed opens to door for them if they do in the future without putting pressure on them. Even if they do not come to you, your open invitation is a sign of care.

3. Meet Them Where They Are At

Literally. Amid a deeper depression, it might be difficult for your friend to participate in a grand venture like a cross-country trip or a day at the amusement park. See what they are comfortable with, and meet them where they are at. They might feel more comfortable meeting at home, meeting for a short period, or doing something structured. Conversely, a familiar coffee shop might be a welcoming space.

4. Be Clear About Your Boundaries

When we are struggling, we tend to focus on our own needs over others. Offering support is beautiful, and it's also important to share clearly the borders for that support. If you are not up to your friend sending messages at 2 a.m., let them know what hours you are free to talk. Make sure your friend has other resources such as the 9-8-8 crisis line to reach out to if needed.

5. Help Your Friend Get Help

Reaching out for help is tough at any time; depression makes it even tougher. Giving your friends names of resources or being by them as they call to set that first therapy appointment can make it so much easier. If you are on a college campus, you might also walk with your friend to the counseling department. This physical show of support means a lot. If you are concerned your friend might be thinking about suicide, ask them. It is a myth that asking someone if they are thinking about suicide will "give them the idea." On the contrary, it may grant a space to share a dangerous secret. If your friend is thinking about suicide, it is important to help them with the appropriate mental health care and not leave them alone until they are safe.

In Closing

Depression can make friendships difficult. Yet, there are ways we can show up and connect with our friends when they are struggling. This shows a kind of loyalty and commitment that is central to a friendship.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7, dial 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.