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When areas of our lives are going well, we tend to coast—to take it as a gift or take it for granted—but in any case, to let it be. That changes when we either want more of a challenge or a challenge, a change, is foisted on us. We then change because we want or have to do so. We begin or end a job, a relationship, an educational or training program, or we experience one life’s milestones. We become in transition: we are about to transition, in the midst of a transition, or have just transitioned. It is not only some aspect of our live that it is transition, but also some aspect of our identity.
Transitions, then, are a time for us to think about who we want to become as part of our lives change. Being in transition offers us an opportunity to reflect on our values (and they ways they may have changed), our goals, and our identities in the different areas of our lives.
We know from many decades of psychological research that a given individual is, in fact, different across contexts—that is, each of us has a variety of alter egos or “identities” (kind of like Superman and Clark Kent), with different alter egos for different contexts. For instance, how you are with your family is likely to be different than how you are at work, and how/who you are with your boss will be at least somewhat different than how/who you are with someone who reports to you.
We also know from psychological research that the more you inhabit an alter ego—the more you behave differently from your usual identity—the more it actually becomes a part of you in that context. In fact, cognitive behavioral therapy capitalizes on this process by helping people change their behavior and thoughts, which in turn change their feelings, self-concept, and identity.
So when you find yourself in transition, think about these questions to help you transition more readily into the person you’d like to be:
- What do you value in the part of your life that is transitioning?
- How can those values help shape your goals and the alter ego you’d like to develop?
- What alter ego would you like to develop as you come out the other side of that transition?
- How realistic is this alter ego? (We each have a range of the types of change that’s possible, but we are not likely to turn into someone completely different. Pick a realistic alter ego—a version of yourself that is somewhat different from who you are now, but within an achievable range.)
- What types of behaviors and actions are consistent with who you’d like to become?
- How will you know when you’ve accomplished that transition?
Although it may sound corny, writing down your answers to these questions, rather than simply keeping the answers in your head, typically makes the process more successful.
Dr. Robin S. Rosenberg is a clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area. In addition to her coaching and psychotherapy practices, she writes college level psychology textbooks. She also writes for a general audience using fictional characters—such as superheroes, Harry Potter, and the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo—to illustrate psychological phenomena. Visit her on the web at www.DrRobinRosenberg.com
Copyright 2014 by Robin S. Rosenberg
Image: Hamil Ma
