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Key points
- Our center of meaning shifts as we age, especially after achieving outward success.
- Recognizing changing priorities is uncomfortable but necessary for inner growth.
- “Is this all there is?” This question can herald unexpected and positive change.
A successful career, red convertible, affair with a younger hottie, we all know the midlife crisis trope. It’s the butt of countless jokes and spawns just as many research projects that debate whether it’s a real phenomenon.
Meanwhile, highly successful individuals in their 40s and 50s are seeking therapy in record numbers. And for many, this sincere question is central. “Is this all there is?”
The crisis of meaning is real. The rewards are real, too.
The midlife crisis can be a positive sign of psychological development. Let's explore three reasons why.
Your prize for graduating from the first half of life
A midlife crisis is a sign that you have successfully navigated the tasks of the first half of life. If you’re finding yourself in emotional turmoil after reaching your goals, here’s a new idea to consider: Celebration.
We have multiple stages of life. Perhaps the simplest model for different life stages is the view of psychiatrist Carl Jung. He separated the arc of human life into the easy-to-remember structure of first half and second half.
Under this model, the goal of the first half of life is to successfully adapt to the demands of the world. In a word: Achievement. As adults, this means we must establish ourselves outwardly via career, relationships, and social standing. We can think of the ideal completion of this stage as looking like: The high-functioning adult.
Once we’ve successfully established ourselves in society, this question naturally arises: “Is this all there is?” It’s an apt question because checking off the challenges of the first half of life means it’s now time for a completely different undertaking. The old goalposts are no longer relevant. We enter a new paradigm: The second stage of life.
The time in life when we are transitioning between these two paradigms is called midlife. Midlife is not the exact number of years of your lifespan that have passed. It’s a psychological state of development. In midlife, we pivot away from outward success to inner exploration.
Midlife is not simply a turning point, but a life stage to which we must earn access. Those who do not complete the tasks of the first half of life do not get to enter the second half.
If you’re asking these deeper questions about whether your achievements have meaning, you can interpret this as a positive sign that you have graduated from the first half of your development. Congratulations indeed.
We resist transformation
As a therapist, I see the paradox time and time again that humans don’t make the most difficult changes in our lives unless we are forced to.
The discomfort that characterizes a midlife crisis isn't just inevitable. It's essential. It's the psychological equivalent of turning up the flame under a pot of water to make it boil. If the flame stays low, the water will never boil and transform into steam. Similarly, if we remain in our comfort zone, we won’t go through our needed transformation.
Yet who would willingly face a hotter flame? That’s where the midlife crisis comes to our aid. It pushes the heat on us. It makes our current condition so uncomfortable that we can no longer coast along. The upheaval of the midlife crisis turns up the psychological pressure, and we finally grapple with issues that—if we agree to meet them—help us transform.
Of course, the deeper benefit of this time is not obvious in the midst. It’s natural to feel confused when we realize we’re no longer satisfied with sought-after achievements. For example, maybe you’re thinking, “I'm finally a partner at the firm. Why do I feel unhappy?”
Though it’s uncomfortable and usually unwelcome, the crisis of meaning is for our ultimate benefit. As Oprah quotes Maya Angelou advising her when facing a shock or setback in life, “Say thank you.”
Enormous rewards await
The midlife crisis is a rite of passage into a more fulfilling phase of life. Let's look at Jay.
Jay entered therapy when his life was the picture of success: a flourishing career at the top of the publishing industry. Yet he felt unfulfilled. Through therapy, he discovered his passion for absorbing the sensations of the present moment. As he intentionally slowed down his pace, this man found a sense of wellness he’d been missing his entire life. His midlife crisis wasn't about changing everything; it was about rediscovering and integrating lost treasures into his current life.
For some, these changes are concrete and can be seen by others. A prime example is Taikichiro Mori. Though his first career was as an academic, at age 55 Mori became a real estate investor and eventually one of the richest individuals in the world.
Often, the transformation is inward. As detailed in his essay My Confession, Leo Tolstoy’s midlife crisis brought a sense of meaninglessness to his prior achievements. Ultimately, the inner exploration resulted in a fundamental shift away from pure rationality to include spirituality.
This transformation is foundational, not just a makeover. It's not about discarding the old but about integrating it with newly discovered gifts. The person emerging from this phase will be more themselves than ever before, with a richer, more nuanced sense of self.
True wisdom grows
The midlife crisis is the period when we shift away from the values that shaped the first half of our lives and shift towards a different set of values.
The difficult thing about this transition is that when we’re in it, we don’t yet know what our new paradigm for the second half of life will be. We have left behind the outward and achievement-oriented goals of the first stage of life, but we are not yet clear on our new tasks. That new wisdom has not yet taken root.
Chances are, your new challenge will include discovering and centering the things that matter to you personally, rather than the values of wider society. However, the nuances of what does matter to you are yours to discover, and they are different for each person. There is no shortcut through the transition phase of the midlife crisis.
That said, we can find great encouragement in longevity research, which finds that older people are happier than those in midlife. The crisis is a developmental phase, and there are riches on the other side.
This means we can view the midlife crisis as a catalyst for profound personal development. It propels us out of complacency and into a dynamic state of self-reflection and growth.
Although any period of uncertainty is uncomfortable, you can pat yourself on the back for reaching this threshold, and look forward to an even more authentic and rewarding life.
References
Jung, C. G. (1969). Collected Works of C.G. Jung, Volume 8: Structure & Dynamics of the Psyche (G. Adler & R. F. C. Hull, Eds.). Princeton University Press.
