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Relationships
Eight Ways Educators Can Collaborate with Parents
How do we form collaborative relationships with overbearing parents?
Posted November 7, 2013
In our work with college or high school administrators, staff, coaches and faculty, one issue comes up over and over: How do we form collaborative relationships with overbearing parents? Let’s face it, we not only have a new generation of kids today, we have a whole new generation of parents. I am part of it.
There may be no “silver bullet” for this one. Parents are human who see life from their angle, and often challenges have no easy answer. I do believe, however, we can utilize the following ideas to reduce the friction between educators and parents. Here are some ways for educators to collaborate with parents:
1. Meet early on, before an issue arises and clarify the plan.
Schools that host meetings with moms and dads in July or August to talk over how to best cooperate have a far higher success rate than those who wait for an issue to pop up. In this meeting, explain your goal to develop mature, healthy, responsible students (or athletes). Then, ask for the parent’s help in reaching that goal.
2. Tell stories about success and failure.
Stories stick. In your interactions with parents, tell stories of “helicopter parents” who went too far and had damaging effects on their kid. Explain how intrusive parents disable kids from growing up and being responsible. Think about it. What parent doesn’t want their kid to be responsible and take initiative?
3. Create a covenant to sign.
This may sound unnecessary, but several schools have made progress by outlining an agreement on what both the staff and the parent will do to partner together in developing the students. Later, if a conflict arises, you can always refer back to the covenant and determine the best options moving forward.
4. Explain the upcoming year as a time of “transition.”
If we’re honest, every school year is a time of further transition and growth. Let the parent know that their role should slowly change to allow for their kid to grow up and assume more responsibility. We recommend college coaches and faculty to encourage parents to move from the role of “Supervisor” to “Consultant.”
5. Clarify the best interests of their child.
Elaborate on how you want to work on behalf of their child; that you care about their child and want what’s best for them. Remind them that when conflict arises between parents and educators, no one wins. Students experience distrust, blame, co-dependency and stress as a result.
6. Whenever You Meet, Talk to Parents about the Future.
Most problems with parents center on this issue: they’re parenting for short-term rather than long-term solutions. We, parents, often try to patch things up instead of make things right. Staff must help them see the future damage they do by removing consequences from the child’s actions. Paint a picture of the harm they do when they step in and put a band-aid on a problem. If you’re comfortable, discuss how adults often try to live out their unlived life through their children—and the kids becomes the victims.
7. Identify a Vehicle for On-going Communication.
People are down on what they’re not up on. Regular communication with parents is a great way to help them see the big picture. Create a weekly email, podcast, video or blog to stay in touch. In these contexts, talk about key issues like:
* Teens naturally test boundaries and values to discover their identity.
* They learn responsibility when adults don’t make excuses for their failures.
* Maturation requires kids to self-regulate and to experience autonomy.
* Since autonomy requires them to build life skills, don’t make excuses for them.
* Those skills learned in a dorm room or a laundry room may be as important as what they learn in the classroom.
8. Provide a Resource.
In your initial meeting with parents at the beginning of the year, furnish a resource for them to take home. It can be a booklet, an article, a jump-drive, a CD or a DVD for them to listen to or watch. For example, Growing Leaders just created a DVD and CD for athletic programs to give to parents as they drop off their first-year athlete on the campus. It simply helps the mom and dad to be the best parent they can be, and not attempt to be the coach. In it, I share some things that are easier coming from me than the coach.
As a dad of two in their twenties, I watched my role evolve from Direct Supervisor to Consultant. Even though I had ideas on how my kids should handle situations, I had to back off for the sake of their growth. May these ideas ignite better ones of your own as you attempt to partner with families to build young leaders.
