What Is a ‘Situationship’? Here Are the Pros and Cons

A "situationship" is when you are in a romantic or sexual relationship that's not clearly defined in any way and doesn't involve any type of commitment.

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You may have heard the term "situationship" being used in dating arenas these days. It's not about dating Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino from the reality TV show Jersey Shore. No, a situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that's not clearly defined in any way and doesn't involve any type of commitment. The question is whether being in a situationship a good or bad thing. And, of course, that depends on the situation.

It differs from a booty call, which is a one-time or occasional let's-have-sex thing rather than a relationship. It's also not a friends-with-benefits arrangement, because that at least is defined, unless you are somehow unclear what, specifically, the benefits are. By contrast, in a situationship, one or both parties don't quite know what is going on between them and what to expect.

Depending on your point of view, such a situation may seem like the best thing since sliced bread or more like death by a thousand slices, or somewhere in between. A situationship can be great if you:

• Want to date other people: Yes, you can have your cake and eat it too. No one can accuse you of cheating because the response can be, "Cheating on what, exactly?"
• Don't want the responsibility of a real relationship: You mean you actually have to do stuff for the other person in a relationship? If you currently don't have the time and energy or that ain't your bag, then a situationship may be for you.
• Want to get to know each other without pressure: Maybe the situationship is a temporary thing. Maybe it takes time and a relaxed situation without any expectations for you to warm up to another person.
• Fear commitment: If words like "marriage", "forever", and "one and only" give you hives, then staying uncommitted may be what you want.
• Can't decide about the other person: Again, this could be a temporary thing. Perhaps you do like aspects about could-potentially-be-my-snookums but need to see more to decide whether he or she can be exclusive relationship material for you. Of course, don't stay in this holding pattern forever. If you can't decide after 10 years, then maybe it's just not there.
• Have no idea what you want: You essentially want to sample from the buffet without having to pay the full fare.
• Want to use the other person: It might be for sex, companionship, a certain lifestyle, social connections, professional advancement, or anything else besides, you know, a loving or caring role.

A situationship can give both of you the freedom and flexibility to be with others, which may or may not be a good thing.

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So a situationship can give you more freedom and flexibility than a defined relationship would. But, and there are big buts—I cannot lie—a situationship can be tough if you:

• Don't have time to mess around: You may not be in a position or stage of life where you are willing to spend your time in a something-or-other that may not go anywhere. Knowing whether someone has lifelong partner potential does require seeing whether they can remain loyal and committed, which can't be observed in a situationship.
• Don't like the uncertainty: There may be a lot of "Hmmm, should I or shouldn't I do this?", like "Should we hold hands in public?", "Should I plan to spend my vacation time with that person?", "How often and when should I call that person"?, or "What should I call this person in public?"
• Don't like the idea of the other person being with other people: Just wait until you see the other person flirting, messing around, or even having sex with other people. Regardless of what the person says, remember three words: Always use protection.
• Want the comfort, consistency, and reliability of a committed relationship: Don't fool yourself. A situationship won't offer you the same things that a committed relationship would no matter how many times the other person suggests that you are soul mates. Can you handle the inherent instability and potential associated stress of being in an ill-defined situation? Plus, there are going to be practical concerns, such as what to do if you want a dedicated "plus one" for your different professional and social functions?
• Want a deeper emotional connection: Again, don't fool yourself. A situationship can take you only so far and so deep emotionally.
• Want to have a committed relationship but the other person doesn't: If you ask the other person for exclusivity and the response is, "Let's have something uncommitted and ill-defined with no real timeline," you kind of have your answer.
• Don't want to have a committed relationship when the other person does: Sting once sang, "If you love someone set them free." Well, that applies if you know that you will never love that person as well.

A situationship can work only if both people on the same page and actually want the situationship. There has to be frequent clear and open communication because things will change the moment one person wants more.

Be honest with yourself and each other. Can both of you handle the situationship? The only thing guaranteed about a situationship is that nothing is guaranteed, which may be OK with your situations. But don't go into one expecting it to evolve into something more. After all, the situation may never ever change.