Verified by 
Key points
- Gentoo penguins in Antarctica express interest in mating by sharing pebbles or rocks to help build nests.
- When done in person by people, pebbling may consist of sharing something like a flower, coin, or little toy.
- Online, pebbling can entail sharing electronic stuff like a meme, social media post, or photo.
- Pebbling can be small way of showing affection and serve as a bridge to deeper conversations.
It's got a rocking new name on social media. But "pebbling" really isn't that new. People are using the term "pebbling" to refer to collecting and sharing little things with someone you are interested in so that you can build a bond. But pebbling is something that you may have already been doing for a while.
The name comes from what a Gentoo penguin in Antarctica might do to express a desire to mate. The penguin may give his or her crush some pebbles or rocks. That's because rocks are what such penguins use to build nests. The penguin won't give just any set of rocks, but will take some time to make sure that they are the right ones.
Of course, if you were to give nothing but a bunch of rocks to your love interest when he or she is not a flightless bird and say, "Go ahead, build a nest," you may not get the result that you desire. After all, most humans don't lay eggs and don't need such a nest. Instead, pebbling for humans is about collecting and sharing something that the other person might enjoy.
When done in person, pebbling may consist of sharing something like an interesting pebble, leaf, flower, coin, little toy, photo—anything that may not be ostensibly of high value but shows that you care for someone who may potentially be more than a friend. "Pebbling" has already long been used to describe such actions in the neurodivergent community to show affection. It can help express to someone how you feel in addition to or in place of words.
The use of the term on social media is newer and refers more to the online- or smartphone-based version of such actions. Instead of actual objects, the gifts are comprised of electronic stuff—interesting memes, photos, videos, articles, social media posts, anything that has some meaning or can be a conversation starter or continuer.
What distinguishes pebbling from other types of gift-giving is what you are sharing and how you share it. Again, each thing you share may not ostensibly be the product of a huge investment in time, effort, or resources. Sending gold bars or shares of your Berkshire Hathaway stock is not pebbling. Pebbling is not showering someone with affection or love bombing them either.
The gifts in pebbling don't say, "Look how much I spent on you," "I love you sooo much," or "You are soooo awesome." They aren't things of obvious amorous intent like a dozen red roses or love letters. Rather, they are little things that you can mutually experience, feel good about, learn from, or even discuss.
Of course, just sharing anything won't necessarily lead to a closer connection. Before sharing anything, think for a moment about how the other person may react.
Timing and moderation are key, too. Sending 2,783 squirrel memes over the course of an hour when the other person is struggling to meet a deadline at work may not endear you. Neither might sending photos of elaborate desserts when the other person is suffering from food poisoning. Plus, once you've established a pebbling norm, you may have to keep it going. Flooding the person's smartphone with stuff one day and then going radio-silent for weeks could seem like ghosting.
Pebbling alone is not going to get you far. You don't want to be known as just that-person-who-sends-me-funny-memes. Pebbling can provide openings for more and deeper conversations. It can also serve as a bridge between when you can connect more via phone, video, or in-person, ways of keeping the interactions and potentially the flames going. Eventually, though, you will have to progress to other deeper interactions, especially if you want to be much more than meme friends.
Facebook image: ViDI Studio/Shutterstock
