Accept and Adapt

When 17-year-old Henry Fraser dove into the ocean in Portugal, his life changed forever. His head hit the unusually high seabed, causing a severe injury that left him paralyzed from the neck down. His life was altered in countless ways; yet he made a Herculean recovery beyond his doctor’s expectations and developed seemingly boundless psychological strength and flexibility. Now 31 years old and living outside of London, Fraser is a writer, painter—with a mouth-held brush—and motivational speaker.

QYour motto is “Accept and adapt.” How did that originate?
The day I first saw myself in a wheelchair gave me a real kick to start thinking about acceptance. Until that point, I was in denial. I thought, I’m going to get up and walk out of this hospital. It’s not as bad as they’re saying it is.

I’d been in bed for weeks until then. When I went outside the acute ward for the first time, I thought I was close to getting released. It was brilliant; I could breathe fresh air—well, as much as possible while being on a ventilator. It was thrilling. But when we were about to go back in, there were two huge glass doors. It was the first time I saw my own reflection. Everything in that moment stopped. I was looking at this young man, razor thin, who had this big headrest and a tube in his throat breathing for him. I wasn’t the person I was before.

The moment I got back to my room, I told my mum to pull the curtain around my bed. And I just lost it. I broke completely. I had cried a lot up to that point, but this was the real, hard realization: This is my life. This is who I am now. From that moment until the early hours of the morning I cried and cried. For the first time, I asked the question Why me?

By 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, I was all cried out. There was nothing left in me. I stared at the ceiling and thought, You know what? Yes, this is who I am now. I can’t change this. I may as well as get on with it. As brutal as the day was, it was one I needed to push me forward. I constantly reminded myself that I couldn’t change what happened and I needed to adapt. I needed to learn to breathe again. To eat again. To learn new things, like painting. It took me 13 months to fully accept what had happened to me. But I genuinely believe everyone has it in them to find a new mindset when things are hard. That’s the human spirit.