Advice Column

W
hat Planet Am I From?

I am 45. My children are now 21 and 20. Their father left and our
divorce was final in my 20s. I have never really dated in all of these
years. Now I think it is my time. My facial features are attractive but I
weight 190 and so want to be thin. I do not have much money. My job
offers a meal a day and if I choose the right priced things I can have a
dinner and a snack. I know you must think "what planet" is this woman
from.

Tammy

I think you can help yourself plenty without adding one penny of
expense to your life. By all means take advantage of the meal offered on
the job. I'm sure you know what the good food choices are--salads with a
minimum of dressing, fish, chicken, lean meats. For snacks you'll do best
with fresh fruits--cantaloupe, blueberries, bananas, apples, red
grapes--whatever is in season and on special. But most of all you need
exercise. It is the natural way to limit appetite and lose weight. Take
some time for walking. Leave time for 15 minutes of resistance exercises
in the morning; repeat them again in the evening. They cost nothing. They
make you feel good. And they are the best way to boost the weight-loss
process.

The Courage To Marry

I have been going with a gentleman for 14 years, 10 of which we
have been living together. The word marriage has been brought up many
times but he really does not want to make that ultimate commitment. I
keep thinking that he will change his mind but. Am I crazy to stay in
this relationship, I am not getting any younger?

Not crazy--highly, perhaps overly, optimistic. If Loverman hasn't
felt the urgency to marry in over 10 years, what are the chances of his
coming to the realization on his own that it's a wise move to make? I'm
afraid you're the one who has to make him understand the desirability of
marriage by introducing some uncertainty into his life. Wanting the
security of marriage is totally understandable. The only way he is going
to see that marriage is necessary is if he understands he will lose you
otherwise. I don't advocate playing games with other men to make him
jealous, or getting angry at him. I would simply suggest that you tell
Loverman--kindly--that you're firm about wanting to marry and that you
will give him a certain amount of time to think it over, say, a month--or
else you want the freedom to find someone who loves you enough to make
the commitment of marriage. In other words, he comes through in a month,
or else he must move out. You have to be resolved to follow through, if a
month rolls around and he hasn't set a date. He may even have to move out
to understand what he is losing. But you have to be resolved to follow
through. I agree, a lot is at stake. But if you stay with Loverman
without marriage, you sacrifice your future to a man who doesn't have the
courage to make a commitment. You will wind up loathing him and yourself,
and that eventually will eat away at any positive feelings you have for
him. Act now and save the future for yourself.