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The University of Miami shared a profile about an Afghan émigré, Zakera Azizi, who fled from Afghanistan to receive an education in the United States. “I’ve started from zero several times before in my life,” Zakera said. “For now, I need to study hard and earn this degree. I just want to work and live my life, yet even from here, I can help the women in Afghanistan who are under threat. I can help by advocating for them.” Zakera is a zero-generation student because she, to use her own words, has to start from “zero.”
I was working at the University of Miami and met with Zakera, who was struggling to adjust to the cultural landscape of the university. Zakera graduated from Miami Herbert Business School with a prestigious degree. From the outside, Zakera’s life might appear successful. But from the inside, we can see complications, especially as the situation in Afghanistan has worsened recently. Success in one area of life does not translate to success in other areas.
When I met with the University of Minnesota professor Patricia Frazier, whose Stress and Trauma Lab investigates the effects of stress and trauma, she reminded me that well-being is inherently holistic. Although students might excel in one domain, such as outstanding academic performance, they might struggle to foster healthy relationships.
Zero-generation students immigrate from places swamped by trauma and conflict. When they study at U.S. colleges and universities, they may perform well academically. However, that does not imply holistic well-being for zero-gen students, as many struggle to relate with people in meaningful ways. They struggle to foster genuine and mutually beneficial connections. Trauma induces stress, which often translates into confusion. When people are under traumatic stress, they struggle to leave favorable impressions on those they meet.
The science and art of what Melanie Joy calls “relational literacy” is unique to time and space. How humans evolved to connect, meet, and mate is shaped by evolution and culture. In certain parts of the world, humans value connection for the sake of connection; many traditional and developing countries are good examples. But in other parts of the world, humans view social interactions as transactional; capitalist and advanced countries are good examples.
The norms of how people should relate to each other are often ignored but noticed when violated. Insiders of a particular culture hold the power to decide what is normal from abnormal; they set the standards of how human affairs should be conducted. Outsiders to a particular culture often are at the margin of that society unless they manage to fully assimilate. But that assimilation process–that process of becoming is not easy. In other words, assimilation is a real test of having come of age. It is a rebirth to a new self and a death to an old one.
Whether insiders or outsiders, human beings struggle to achieve holistic well-being. Insiders may set the norms but often struggle to find peace in a hectic modern culture. They may not savor their success and instead crave more in a never-ending process. In that case, the insiders have much to learn from the outsiders, who are often content with what they have and lead a simple and traditional lifestyle.
Modern life has driven people to the verge of exhaustion. Although life is now more convenient than in the past, modern people never seem relaxed. They are in competition for attention, fame, and power. After all, the twenty-first century does not seem to be the century of reason and happiness but rather the century of money and power.
Conclusion
Well-being is inherently holistic. If you are incredibly successful in one domain, others may presume you live a happy life. However, succeeding in one domain does not imply success in others. Zero-gen students may be successful in academia while severely struggling in the relationship domain. For insiders, they may never feel that they have enough since they can always get a little bit more. In the end, we should take charge of our holistic well-being because the universe is indifferent to human suffering.
