Wired For Love

Relationships

Interpersonal Rules That Undermine Your Relationships #2

Amy Banks M.D. on February 15, 2017

A longstanding myth in our culture is that only the fittest members of society flourish and procreate and that a person's survival and safety is dependent on individual strength.

A longstanding myth in our culture is that only the fittest members of society flourish and procreate and that a person's survival and safety is dependent on individual strength.

Relationships

Interpersonal Rules that Undermine Your Relationships #1

Amy Banks M.D. on February 1, 2017

You would think twice before trying to befriend a German Shepard guarding a family home

You would think twice before trying to befriend a German Shepard guarding a family home

Relationships

Seven Interpersonal Myths that Undermine Your Relationships

Amy Banks M.D. on January 10, 2017

Rule #1 – You are healthiest and most mature when you can stand on your own, self-regulate your emotions, and NOT depend on others.

Rule #1 – You are healthiest and most mature when you can stand on your own, self-regulate your emotions, and NOT depend on others.

Environment

Nature vs. Nurture in Brain Science

Amy Banks M.D. on November 10, 2016

Are children inherently mean spirited, acting out the unique human capacity to judge and stratify based on their own selfish needs, or are they hard-wired to connect?

Are children inherently mean spirited, acting out the unique human capacity to judge and stratify based on their own selfish needs, or are they hard-wired to connect?

Fear

Bridging Difference: Beyond Us vs. Them

Amy Banks M.D. on September 21, 2016

The human community is at a seminal crossroads. Are we going to use our brains to build edifices that cement the association between difference and danger?

The human community is at a seminal crossroads. Are we going to use our brains to build edifices that cement the association between difference and danger?

Fear

Does Difference Scare You?

Amy Banks M.D. on May 16, 2016

In this environment it is harder to dodge and hide from other’s opinions and beliefs when we disagree.

In this environment it is harder to dodge and hide from other’s opinions and beliefs when we disagree.

Attention

Selective Attention Limits Your Ability to See Others

Amy Banks M.D. on March 7, 2016

Our experience of the world and the signals we allow into conscious awareness can easily be limited by past experience and even by a simple, in the moment, switch in focus.

Our experience of the world and the signals we allow into conscious awareness can easily be limited by past experience and even by a simple, in the moment, switch in focus.

Oxytocin

Are Power Over Relationships Inevitable?

Amy Banks M.D. on January 9, 2016

“Neuroaffiliative hormones” are chemicals running through your body 24/7 that help shape your experience of being in human relationship.

“Neuroaffiliative hormones” are chemicals running through your body 24/7 that help shape your experience of being in human relationship.

Health

Social Isolation Can Kill You

Amy Banks M.D. on November 7, 2015

After controlling for age, sex, race, economic status, physical health status, stressful life events, and cigarette smoking, researchers still found that those who perceived their social support to be impaired had a 340% higher rate of premature deaths than those who felt their social support was good.

After controlling for age, sex, race, economic status, physical health status, stressful life events, and cigarette smoking, researchers still found that those who perceived their social support to be impaired had a 340% higher rate of premature deaths than those who felt their social support was good.

Relationships

Connection: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Amy Banks M.D. on October 2, 2015

No matter who you are or where you live, when you are in healthy relationships you increase the chance of living longer and dying happier.

No matter who you are or where you live, when you are in healthy relationships you increase the chance of living longer and dying happier.

Neuroscience

Stopping the Pain of Social Exclusion (Banks and Craddock)

Amy Banks M.D. on September 6, 2015

This neuroscience finding requires that we stop bifurcating pain into physical and emotional and start realizing that pain is pain and that social exclusion and marginalization are forms of violence that impact individuals and whole groups of people.

This neuroscience finding requires that we stop bifurcating pain into physical and emotional and start realizing that pain is pain and that social exclusion and marginalization are forms of violence that impact individuals and whole groups of people.

Dopamine

The Dopamine Reward System: Friend or Foe?

Amy Banks M.D. on July 12, 2015

We live in a culture that actively undermines this precious dopamine-relationship connection. We raise children to stand on their own two feet while the separate self is an American icon of maturity. It is making us sick.

We live in a culture that actively undermines this precious dopamine-relationship connection. We raise children to stand on their own two feet while the separate self is an American icon of maturity. It is making us sick.

Neuroscience

The Relational Neuroscience of "Well Meaning White People"

Amy Banks M.D. on June 21, 2015

How do “well-meaning white people” escape the pain of oppression and violence? There are so many ways – we can distract ourselves with a trip to the mall or a few hours of on-line shopping. Ding – the dopamine reward system is activated and we feel lighter, better and even safer.

How do “well-meaning white people” escape the pain of oppression and violence? There are so many ways – we can distract ourselves with a trip to the mall or a few hours of on-line shopping. Ding – the dopamine reward system is activated and we feel lighter, better and even safer.

Neuroscience

The Four R's - Reading, 'Riting, "Rithmatic and Resonance

Amy Banks M.D. on May 26, 2015

Connection and cooperation are part of the everyday lives of most people and a strong mirror neuron system is essential in each and every one of life’s negotiations. It is high time that we add the fourth “R” to the basic skills taught in education—reading, ‘riting, ’rithmetic, and resonance!

Connection and cooperation are part of the everyday lives of most people and a strong mirror neuron system is essential in each and every one of life’s negotiations. It is high time that we add the fourth “R” to the basic skills taught in education—reading, ‘riting, ’rithmetic, and resonance!

Rejection Sensitivity

The Social Pain of Rejection

Amy Banks M.D. on April 26, 2015

SPOT theory confirms that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones – but it also tells us that we all live in glass houses.

SPOT theory confirms that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones – but it also tells us that we all live in glass houses.

Stress

Balancing Your Stress Levels One Relationship at a Time

Amy Banks M.D. on March 26, 2015

The capacity to feel calm in a healthy relationship is as natural and automatic as the ability to feel terrified watching Friday the 13th. It is how we are wired. However, a culture that teaches “self-regulation” and urges you to stand on your own two feet is sending the wrong message to your nervous system.

The capacity to feel calm in a healthy relationship is as natural and automatic as the ability to feel terrified watching Friday the 13th. It is how we are wired. However, a culture that teaches “self-regulation” and urges you to stand on your own two feet is sending the wrong message to your nervous system.

Relationships

Do You Ever Think About Marrying Your Dog?

Amy Banks M.D. on March 10, 2015

Do you ever think relationships with people are more problem then they are worth? Are you frequently disappointed by friends and family who are supposed to have your back? Do you ever think about marrying your dog? Join the club!

Do you ever think relationships with people are more problem then they are worth? Are you frequently disappointed by friends and family who are supposed to have your back? Do you ever think about marrying your dog? Join the club!

Relationships

Healthy Relationships Overlooked in Search for a Quick Fix

Amy Banks M.D. on February 28, 2015

Simply thinking about your strongest relationships can change your brain chemistry in a positive way. Imagine the benefits of being face to face with the people you love!

Simply thinking about your strongest relationships can change your brain chemistry in a positive way. Imagine the benefits of being face to face with the people you love!