Introverts and Holidays: 3 Tips to Up Your Joy

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The holidays are upon us, and if you’re an introvert, you may have mixed feelings. Will all the socializing be fun, connecting, or painfully awkward and agonizing?

The decreased social time during COVID was easier for many introverts. In some ways, they had been training for it “their whole lives.” For those who renew their energy with solitude, like introverts, the upcoming holidays can spell "extra" exhaustion.

And there is good news. With a bit of preparation, one of the many strengths of introverts, even stressful social gatherings can be more joyful.

Plan for More Ease and Happiness

Simple strategies, formed in the days prior to holiday gatherings, can bring ease. Start with stories. People love hearing them and telling them. Think of a couple of your favorites, a funny faux pau or an inspiring example of kindness, to share.

While you’re at it, think of the favorite stories you’ve heard from those who will be present. Since some have not heard them, ask if they’d tell them again.

Consider bringing empathetic humor in the form of jokes, videos, or memes. Sources abound, from Google to YouTube and social media. Pick humor that connects and does not offend. With a little preparation, anxiety can shift to excitement--even sooner than you think.

Know you can give yourself ease by planning a mini escape in advance. Case in point: the “bathroom escape” described by Bryan Walsh, Time's Toyoko bureau chief, in his insightful and entertaining article, “The Upside of Being an Introvert.”

Other legit mini escapes: a trip to the car, an errand to get more hors d'oeuvres, or “checking on the kids.” Create your own custom version.

And don’t forget the possibility of “escaping in place” by assigning yourself a useful task. Chopping carrots or stoking the fire can naturally take you out of the fray--a mini breather inside the party vibe.

Play to Your Many Strengths

Leaning into your strengths lights you up and adds to your energy. Try tapping your strength of noticing–spotting someone who is alone or who seems uncomfortable to give yourself a role that brings care and kindness. Take the VIA profile for a free and easy take on your signature strengths.

Lean into your strength of planning by creating a few questions ahead of time based on what you know about the host and others who are likely to attend to their hobbies, family, and favorite vacation spots.

While you’re at it, borrow a classic tip from the world of improv: “Yes, and…” Affirm what they say, and Add to it and Ask their thoughts. If someone is heading to Aspen, this could be: “Wow, that’s exciting! I’ve heard the after-parties are even better than the skiing. Are they your favorite part?”

Finally, asking about pets is an almost surefire way to energize the conversation with the love people feel for their furry friends. Even better, authentically showing kindness and consideration to a pet is a connecting place of warmth and care.

Post Party: Essential Recovery Time

Look ahead at your calendar and schedule ample time to regroup, a down day, a solo activity, an afternoon in a coffee shop with a delightful book, or whatever renews your energy and perspective.

And while you’re at it, schedule wisely. Back-to-back party days might be too much to tackle, especially coming out of COVID. Give yourself a generous buffer--time, space, and ease--to manage your energy and your spirits.

Journaling is another proven way to release emotions and gain perspective. What went well? What did you learn? What would you like to do differently next time? The process of writing slows things down so events and emotions can be digested and released.

If You’re Hosting

Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, if you’re hosting, consider the needs of both personality types. Allow for choice–don’t mandate inclusion in all party activities. Some people are simply more comfortable observing.

If possible, have spaces for small groups with lower activity and noise levels, where introverts naturally gravitate. This might be a den or nook. The kitchen, with its activity and energy, might be perfect for extroverts. Understand it’s nothing personal, it’s simply different needs.

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And if someone leaves early, remember to acknowledge the choice they made to show up. Their early departure is likely related to things that have nothing to do with you and your party. Their effort reveals they value their relationship with you. See it as someone taking care of themselves in the best way they know how.

The thoughtfulness and care introverts bring help to infuse the holidays with meaning and joy. With just a bit of planning, you can create warm experiences and happy memories that will last for years to come.