Forget New Year's Resolutions

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It’s that time of the year again—the exciting (or dreaded) New Year’s resolutions.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably had the same “new” resolutions for years: exercise more, eat healthily, save money, get more organized, find a new hobby, spend more time with family and friends, travel, read more, live life to the fullest…

Studies have found again and again that an overwhelming majority (80 to 90 percent) of New Year’s resolutions fail by the end of the first month. By any measure, these are horrible odds. And yet, I would bet many of us are feverishly putting the last finishing touches on our 2020 resolution list and maybe even giddily planning to indulge on the last binge of 2019 because starting January 1st everything will be totally different. Really?

I found myself again in this predictably deluded state several weeks ago. After a few half-hearted contemplations about my New (i.e. same old) Year’s resolutions, I decided defiantly that I’m not going to do it this year. At least not in the same way I have always done it.

I’m tired of deluding myself and falling into the inevitable disappointment by the third week of January when work and home life are once again back in full force. Instead, I’m going to treat the first day and every day of 2020 like any other day. I’m setting daily (not full year!) resolutions.

Here are some guidelines that can help you should you decide to forgo the old New Year’s resolution tradition and really try something new this year.

• Set daily (not annual) goals. Goals have to be manageable in order to be repeatable. Repetition then becomes a habit. “I will eat whole, healthy foods today,” vs. “I will become a healthy eater this year.”
• Practice patience. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” (Lao Tzu). Focus on the first 24-hour cycle, then the next, then the one after that.
• Praise effort instead of the outcome. “I am moving in the right direction with my diet and exercise,” vs. “I lost 5 lbs!”
• Focus on what you did right instead of wrong. “I kept my cool most of the today,” vs. “I can’t believe I lost my patience!”
• Be your own best cheerleader. We really are our own worst critics. No wonder we struggle! The kinds of things we say to ourselves most of us would not dream of saying to others. So be nice to yourself, encourage yourself, and tell yourself what you would say to others who are striving to work harder and be better.
• Forgive yourself for missteps. I’ve been practicing this one sporadically for many years. I find it especially helpful at the end of the day when my personal inner critic is at its worst having taken inventory of the day’s activities and my inevitable shortcomings. It reminds me that I am human and fallible, which also makes me relatable to others from whom I receive and provide support.

Just like the old New Year’s resolutions, this new approach will not be perfect. But if part of the spirit of making resolutions is to try new things, then I think it’s a worthy and even exciting endeavor. Here’s to our daily striving together.

Happy New Year!