The Freedom of Forgiveness

Are you struggling with resentment and bitterness from being hurt by someone? Choosing to forgive, even when you don't feel like it, or they don't deserve it, is about taking care of yourself despite their actions. Why should you give the person who hurt you more power over your life than they deserve?

You deserve better! In this post, I walk you through steps derived from behavior therapy to help you break free from bitterness and regain control of your life.

Remember: You don't have to "feel" like doing it. You "choose" to do it to set yourself free and leave the past behind.

Let's get started. After each step, repeat out loud each of what I call “Thought Shifter Declarations” to speed up the healing process:

Step 1. Acknowledge and express your pain.

Share your feelings and hurts with a trusted friend or loved one. Let it all out instead of burying or avoiding it. Release brings relief.

• Thought Shifter Declaration: "I choose to let out all my pain openly and dump it, allowing myself to go free. As I let go of what they did to me, I unhook from them to move forward."

Step 2. Reflect on your experience, and don't look back.

Write down the details of what happened. Reflect on your feelings and thoughts about the situation. Once you've poured it all out in writing, make a conscious decision to let go. Symbolize your release from pain by tearing up or disposing of the written account.

• Thought Shifter Declaration:"I release my pain and hurts, letting go of that person’s hold on me. I choose to move forward and replace bitterness with forgiveness. I have the strength to do it now."

Step 3. Seek a new perspective with new experiences.

Invite self-reflection and introspection into your life to gain a fresh perspective. Shift your focus from the person who hurt you to what's best for you now. Practice meditation, listen to self-help audiobooks, and use positive affirmations to explore new healing paths.

• Thought Shifter Declaration: "I invite self-reflection and growth into my life. I choose to shift my focus from the person who hurt me to my well-being. I will only allow practices that nourish me and promote healing so I can move on."

Step 4. Release control.

Recognize that seeking revenge or holding onto anger may only perpetuate your suffering. Choose to let go of the desire for retribution and surrender the old truth that says, "What goes around comes around." Trust that things will unfold as they should as you move on.

• Thought Shifter Declaration: "I release the need for control and surrender the outcome to the flow of life. I choose to let go of resentment so I can regain inner peace. I trust that things will unfold as they always do for good as I never look back."

Step 5. Give yourself some TLC.

Prioritize your well-being and practice self-care as an essential part of the forgiveness process. You deserve the best, not the past. Nurture yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Engage in activities that bring you joy, laughter, and satisfaction. Surround yourself with positive influences and supportive relationships, and give yourself tender, loving care. Focus on present happiness, not past hurts. Become your own best friend.

• Thought Shifter Declaration: "I prioritize self-care as a vital part of my healing process. I choose to nurture myself emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I only surround myself with positivity and create a nurturing environment for my personal growth and well-being to celebrate my freedom!"

Step 6. Choose two-edged compassion.

Extend compassion and understanding not only to yourself but also to the person who hurt you. Recognize that everyone messes up and does things they regret. Join the club. Practice empathy and consider the stuff they may have been going through. By choosing compassion for yourself and them, you liberate yourself from the chains of resentment and open the door to healing and personal transformation. It's called the freedom of forgiveness; give yourself this precious and priceless gift.

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• Thought Shifter Declaration: "I choose to extend compassion and understanding to myself and the person who hurt me. I recognize that we all blow it and have the potential for growth. By choosing compassionate action, I free myself from resentment and open the path to healing and personal transformation so I can move on."

Choosing to forgive can be an act of self-liberation and personal growth. Following these behavioral therapy strategies can help you release the burden of pain and embrace inner peace. Remember, forgiveness is a journey that requires courage and commitment. Take the first step towards your freedom today.

Recalibrate yourself as you transform the pain into gain.