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No one likes to make mistakes. Many of us, including our leaders, tend to avoid acknowledging our mistakes or blame others when missteps occur. Playwright Lillian Hellman described our protective response beautifully when she said:
We are a people who do not want to keep much of the past in our heads. It is considered unhealthy in America to remember mistakes, neurotic to contemplate them, psychotic to dwell upon them.
Yet consider and dwell we do.
We all know and accept that people make mistakes. This simple truth, however, can hide some important questions. For example: What mistakes do we make when we think about mistakes? What types of mistakes should we expect and encourage, and which should we try to avoid? Finally, what are some effective strategies for minimizing the cost of mistakes and maximizing what we learn from them? Let’s begin by answering the first question.
There are four common mistakes people make when considering mistakes made by themselves or others.
Mistake #1: Believing that the older, wiser and more successful you are, the fewer mistakes you will make
Indeed, as we become older and wiser, we hope that we will experience greater success while making fewer mistakes. Successful people, however, do not look at life this way. Instead, they put themselves more at risk for making mistakes by embracing change and challenge. Many extraordinary people, in fact, have taken took their biggest risks at ages many of us would consider too late to try. For example, Goethe wrote Faust at age 82; Verdi composed Othello at age 72; Michelangelo began work on the St. Peter’s Basilica at age 70; and Benjamin Franklin changed careers to become the chief executive of Pennsylvania at age 79.
Successful people assume that life is a trial-and-error process. We continue to learn and experiment—and so make meaningful mistakes—until we take our last breath. Consider these quotes:
The spiritual journey is one of continually falling on your face, getting up, brushing yourself off, looking sheepishly at God, and taking another step. —Aurobindo
Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. —Winston Churchill
Mistake #2: Confusing mistakes with failure
Successful people make an important distinction between these two words. Failure refers to any wrong decision that cannot be corrected. “Heart failure” is a good use of the term. Once the heart stops, your options are understandably limited.
Another dramatic example of an appropriate use of this word was the decision by former Attorney General, Janet Reno, to order an attack on the religious group, Branch Davidians, who were resisting the ATF in Waco, Texas, in 1993. The attack began with tear gas; then a fire ensued, killing the 75 people inside. On the anniversary of the Waco siege, Reno stated that it was the worst failure in her life. Her decision was intended only to force these people to surrender, not to die. It was a decision that could not be reversed and the lives could not be brought back.
Fortunately, this sort of mistake is rare. Most of our errors in life can be corrected in some way: A divorce can lead to a better relationship down the road, a financial reversal can be turned around, etc. My favorite example of someone refusing to confuse mistakes with failure can be found in a statement made by Thomas Edison. After the 10,000th experiment with the lightbulb failed, he was asked why he continued. He responded:
I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discovered is another step forward.
Mistake #3: Thinking that other people have it easier
Author Merle Shain captured this sentiment powerfully in her book, Some Men Are More Perfect Than Others:
Most of us have thought from time to time when life conspired to let us down that this was surely the last quarter of the moon and all was lost or losing. And we looked about us wondering why everyone seemed to have what we had not and why they did not seem to pay the price we did and how they had blundered into peace when we had lost the way.
When we observe success, we often assume that the person’s path was an easy one. However, that is rarely the case. Consider that the original Harry Potter manuscript was rejected by 12 publishers before finding a home; Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team; Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor who declared that Disney lacked imagination; and Henry Ford went bankrupt twice. Steve Jobs was unsuccessful in his attempts to sell an early version of an Apple computer to HP; the amazing Dr. Seuss was rejected by 23 publishers; and, in its first year vending, Coca-Cola sold a mere 100 bottles of soda.
We see stars on TV and assume that if we had their talent—and even more so their luck—we would be a success, too. We are not aware, in these moments, of the years they strived in obscurity before coming to our attention.
Mistake #4: Assuming that mistakes must be painful
Failures are, of course, painful. They are permanent and irreparable. Mistakes, on the other hand, are often stepping stones to success. Successful people share a strategy for making mistakes both bearable and positive. They begin any endeavor assuming that what they are seeking, and the path to achieving it, may be difficult. Therefore, mistakes are to be expected. As a result, when they occur, they are not a reflection of personal inadequacy. Consider these perspectives from highly successful individuals:
The good writer always works at the impossible. —John Steinbeck
Mistakes are at the very base of human thought, feeding the structure like root nodules. If we were not provided with the knack of being wrong, we could never get anything useful done. —Lewis Thomas
As you contemplate these, take a look at your own life challenges and accomplishments. If we perceive that developing strong friendships or a loving romance, raising a child, or maintaining creativity and discipline in work endeavors are challenging quests, than the frequent mistakes we are likely to make along the way can be more easily accepted and truly embraced for the lessons they teach.
In an upcoming blog post, I’ll share more about three types of mistakes, which ones to expect, and those you may want to work to avoid.
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