13 Ways to Become More Appealing

What is the recipe here? Some people are able to sustain friendships quite well, while others may or may not make friends easily, but they are nonetheless unable to sustain friendships. We all speculate about why friends exclude us or even slowly become nonresponsive to our text messages. The speculation is exhausting, right? In an effort to help us identify what individuals value most and dislike most in others, Apostolou and Vetsa (2023) set out to find answers. I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude to these researchers.

In study one, 236 Greek-speaking individuals, 18 years of age and older, were asked to identify the qualities that they would both like and dislike their friends to have. From this data, 50 traits were identified that individuals found desirable in friends, and 43 traits were identified as undesirable in friends.

In study two, 706 Greek-speaking individuals, also all over the age of 18, were presented with a survey that included the 50 desirable traits and asked to complete the following sentence using words from this list: "I would like a friend of mine to be X" Additionally, they rated the 50 traits on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 indicating strong importance of the characteristic. Ten factors were then extracted from these 50 traits.

In study three, 861 Greek-speaking individuals over 18 were presented with the 43 undesirable traits and asked to identify their undesirability on a scale of 1-5, with 5 indicating the greatest level of undesirability. They were asked to complete the following sentence: "I would like a friend of mine not to be X." Three factors or categories were identified from the analysis of the 43 traits.

The interesting findings may not be what you expected, so please read.

The most desirable qualities in a friend were honesty followed by being pleasant and ethical, and finally, being available. Here are the three most important qualities and the behaviors that fall into their categories:

1. Honest

• Honest
• Trustworthy
• True
• Reliable
• Decent

2. Ethical

• Ethical

3. Pleasant

• Positive
• Optimist
• Smiling
• Pleasant
• Kind
• Polite
• Well-intentioned

4. Available

• Be available when I need someone to talk to.
• Have time for me.
• Be there in difficult times.
• Listen to me when I have a problem.
• Helpful
• Giving
• Supporting
• Generous

In order of importance, dishonesty is the most undesirable quality, followed by competitiveness and impatience. Below are the behaviors that fall into these three categories.

1. Dishonest

• Two-faced
• Hypocrite
• Exploitive
• Liar
• Unreliable
• Evil
• Ungrateful
• Malicious
• Curmudgeon
• Rude
• Self-seeker
• Derogatory
• Insulting
• Racist
• Closed-minded
• Negative
• Spoiled
• Stingy
• Shallow
• Arrogant
• Conceited

2. Impatient

• Impatient
• Undecided
• Lazy
• Chatterbox
• Pessimist
• Impulsive
• Immature
• Grouchy
• Vain
• Suspicious
• Irritable
• Gossiper

3. Competitive

• Competitive
• Censorious
• Self-centered
• Selfish
• Jealous
• Ironic
• Narcissist
• Self-seeking
• Easily offended

While the results of the three studies are extremely helpful, there are some limitations to Apostolou and Vetsa's (2023) work. Their research did not differentiate between same and opposite-sex friends. Additionally, their research needs to be replicated in other cultures. Nonetheless, they have provided us with research that has excellent practical implications.