The Use and Misuse of the Term Heteronormative

Heteronormative is a controversial term. Traditionalists believe it is factual and normative, being heterosexual is the healthy way to be. Progressives view the term as derogatory toward gay people and other sexual minorities. Use and misuse of the term illustrate the value differences in our culture and are a source of personal and professional conflict.

The goal of this post is to clearly state a descriptive and non-adversarial way to utilize the term heteronormative so it has a common meaning and recognizes both traditional and progressive values. This is not a politically correct exercise. It addresses core sexual and value issues.

The appropriate use of heteronormative is descriptive and non-judgmental. There are at least four sexual orientations. The four are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual plus, and asexual. The old, mistaken belief was that sexual orientation is determined by who you fantasize about and who you have sex with. Although these are important dimensions, the core of sexual orientation is whether you experience an erotic charge with a female or male and with whom you feel genuine intimate bonding. For heterosexual, straight, people it is someone of the opposite gender, for homosexual, gay or lesbian, it is people of the same gender. For bisexual-plus people, there is erotic charge and intimate attachment with both genders (although usually not with equal intensity). For asexual people, there is a lack of erotic charge and intimate attachment.

If heteronormative means the great majority of females and males are heterosexual, that is empirically true. However, if heteronormative is used to mean: This is the “right” or “natural” way to be, it is a value-ladened and destructive use of the term. For gay people, being gay is not only normal, it is optimal because this is the person’s authentic sexual self. For that person, it is not better to be heterosexual. In fact, for a gay person pretending to be heterosexual, or believing heterosexuality is superior is unhealthy.

A major source of prejudice against gay or bisexual plus people is fear. Commonly, heterosexual men have fantasies of sex with a person of the same gender and or have experienced sexual experimentation with a male. This is normal and not a basis for the fear of being gay. The same phenomena occur with heterosexual women although fears and prejudice are less for women. Interestingly, acceptance of bisexual-plus is higher for women than men.

Acceptance of the descriptive use of heteronormative is helpful to straight and gay people and reduces prejudice in our culture. It reduces judgmental views toward gay, lesbian, bisexual-plus, and asexual people. This is healthy for our culture. Sexuality and relationships are not a “zero-sum game.” People and our culture are healthier with acceptance that “Sexually, one size does not fit all.”