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Key points
- Rebound sex is a short-term coping strategy that involves sex with a new partner shortly after a breakup.
- On average, rebounders report improvements in mental well-being.
- However, going on the rebound is linked to a desire to punish one's ex.
- Whether rebounding is helpful or harmful depends on the reasons for doing it.
Rebound sex is generally defined as sexual activity that someone seeks out to get over an ex. It's fundamentally about moving on after a breakup. However, because this is an emotionally vulnerable time for individuals, this raises questions about whether rebound sex is a good or bad idea.
What are people's experiences with rebound sex like? Does it help them to move past their breakup? Let's explore what the research says.
When Does Rebound Sex Usually Occur?
Rebound sex is most likely to happen within about a month following a breakup. Research finds that the longer it has been since the breakup, the less likely one is to report rebound sex.
This makes sense because distress following a breakup usually peaks at about two weeks, and starts to decline around four weeks. Also, on average, four weeks post-breakup is when people tend to have sex with a new partner on average.
In light of this, rebound sex is probably best thought of as a short-term coping strategy that occurs in close proximity to the breakup. That said, there’s a lot of variability in how long it takes to get over a breakup, and if you’re exiting a long-term or valued relationship, distress might go on for months, perhaps even years. If distress remains high for a prolonged period, rebound sex could potentially take place over a much longer period.
Who Has Rebound Sex, And How Common Is It?
Who is most likely to have rebound sex? Research shows that people are much more likely to engage in it if they had been left behind. This makes sense because having a partner leave you (especially if you didn't see it coming) can be highly distressing and cause a serious hit to your self-esteem. As a result, this tends to prompt more coping behaviors, such as rebound sex.
How many people have had rebound sex? A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior followed college students who experienced a breakup in the past year over three months. About two-thirds of the participants reported having sex during the study, about one-third of whom said they did so for rebound reasons.
This suggests that rebound sex is a fairly common experience following a breakup, at least for young adults. It’s probably common among older adults as well; however, we don’t yet have the data to put a number on it.
Is Rebound Sex Helpful?
There is nothing inherently wrong with having or wanting to have rebound sex. It’s not necessarily good or bad. On the positive side, for some people, rebound sex can boost or restore self-confidence in a way that helps them to move on with their lives and or start a new relationship.
At the same time, however, not everyone who has rebound sex makes great decisions or has positive experiences. For example, if your rebound involves a drunken hookup that you end up regretting, then it might be counterproductive by causing a further hit to your self-esteem. The context and circumstances surrounding rebound sex therefore matter greatly in terms of its ultimate impact.
What the research shows is that rebound sex is a bit of a mixed bag. In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, researchers found that rebound sex had both positive and negative aspects to it. On the one hand, people who were quick to start a rebound relationship reported higher psychological well-being, perhaps stemming from this newfound social and emotional support.
On the other hand, going on the rebound quickly was also linked to feeling a greater desire to punish or get revenge on one's ex. While there seemed to be some benefits to mental well-being, it wasn't necessarily the case that going on the rebound resolved all of their negative feelings about the breakup.
Takeaways
Of course, there's always a lot of individual variability. For some, rebounding is an essential part of the healing process, whereas, for others, it can be a stumbling block that makes it harder to move on due to unresolved feelings.
If you’re on the rebound, it’s advisable to be upfront with your partner(s) about that. If you can both be on the same page about what this is and is not (that is, just sex and nothing more), then you can minimize the odds of conflict and drama. If you’re not emotionally available and ready to start a new relationship, then leading someone on probably will not turn out well for anyone. As with any other sexual relationship, communication is key.
References
Barber, L. L., & Cooper, M. L. (2014). Rebound sex: Sexual motives and behaviors following a relationship breakup. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43, 251-265.
Moran, J. B., Wade, T. J., & Murray, D. R. (2020). The psychology of breakup sex: Exploring the motivational factors and affective consequences of post-breakup sexual activity. Evolutionary Psychology, 18(3), 1474704920936916.
Brumbaugh, C. C., & Fraley, R. C. (2015). Too fast, too soon? An empirical investigation into rebound relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32(1), 99-118.
