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Personal Perspectives
There Is Almost Always a Silver Lining
Personal Perspective: Seeing the bright side depends on your perspective.
Posted October 9, 2024 Reviewed by Lybi Ma
I’ve suffered several losses throughout my life which have motivated me to look for silver linings. I've done it so often now it has become a habit. In most circumstances, I can usually find one, sometimes more.
When I was in high school I started playing football for the wrong reason, I thought it would make the girls interested in me. It didn’t. Shortly, I found I hated the grueling workouts and wanted to quit, but peer pressure kept me playing. Then one day I broke my leg in a scrimmage. When I looked down and saw my leg bent in the wrong place, my first thought was, “I’ll never have to play this game again.” I immediately found the silver lining.
A few years later test anxiety caused me to score poorly on the SAT college entrance exam. I was going to have to retake the test to get into the college of my choice. I dreaded having to retake it. Meanwhile, the 1974 OPEC oil embargo caused a recession that in turn caused my father’s construction company to fail. Dad sat me down and explained that he was no longer able to send me to an expensive college. Initially, I was crushed, but after a few days, I realized that I could afford to send myself to the local state university on what I earned at my part-time job. The silver lining? I wouldn’t have to retake the SAT because my first score was good enough.
The concept of “every cloud has a silver lining” was derived from a John Milton poem written in 1634. However, it did not come into common usage as an encouragement to people suffering from a loss until the mid-nineteenth century.
Blessings in Disguise
In the mid-1990s, I was lured into closing my own company when I was offered a high-salaried position with an advertising agency. Two years later the agency lost a major client and I was laid off. I was angry with myself for putting myself in such a vulnerable position. I had to restart and rebuild my own business again from scratch. The silver lining was I realized I had more job security in being self-employed.
My most traumatic loss was probably my divorce. I could not see a silver lining in that for several years. Going into the final months of our relationship, before we separated, my stress from the impending breakup was causing me to have multiple health issues: high blood pressure, chest pain, heartburn, acid reflux, and knee inflammation so severe it required me to walk with a cane. All of those symptoms went away within six weeks of my wife moving out. But, I didn’t see that as a silver lining because I didn’t want the divorce.
Four years later, my next relationship came to an end, and I was deeply depressed. I recognized I had a pattern in the type of woman with whom I was attracted. I realized it was a mental problem, and I was determined to find out what it was and how to fix it. The silver lining was I set out on a journey of self-discovery and started doing the work necessary to feel better again. Over time, I became sincerely grateful for the negative experience that drove me to seek help.
Hitting the Genetic Jackpot
In May of 2022, I learned that I was not related to Dad. I was conceived by artificial insemination with a sperm donor. I was pretty upset by the news. Up until then, I believed that none of my direct ancestors (parents and grandparents) had lived longer than 63 years; because of that I had been concerned about my longevity and strived to live as healthy as possible. The silver lining appeared when I uncovered the identity of my biological father and learned he lived to be 96 years old, and his mother 95, both without dementia.
Sometimes the Clouds Can Be Very Dark
Sometimes we can only come to acceptance by going through the grieving process. I didn’t see a silver lining to the 911 terror attacks, nor one for the victims of Hurricane Helene. However, I was able to see a silver lining to COVID-19 because it enlightened many people about how much the government and the media are willing to spread false information to control people. During times of propaganda, we can stay positive and see the upside if we are willing to practice critical thinking and question authority. Ambrose Bierce understood this when he wrote the following in The Devil's Dictionary: “Disobedience, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.”
How to Find Silver Linings
When you run into an obstacle, look for the opportunity. Sometimes our rigid thinking and cognitive bias prevent us from finding it. Helen Keller wisely observed, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” It’s all in your perspective, and changing it may require some creativity.
Experiencing loss is a great time to practice your creative thinking skills. Just because you hit a roadblock doesn’t mean you can’t reach your goals. It just means you may have to take a new path. Your ingenuity can help you see alternatives. There are always substitutes available if you are open-minded. When you engage your creative brain and look for other options you will be amazed at how resourceful you can be and what you will discover.
Stay optimistic. Practicing a positive mental attitude regularly will empower you to see silver linings when a loss occurs. Implementing positivity includes developing and maintaining healthy life habits of diet and exercise; making plans to do things you enjoy; and using affirmations regularly to bolster your self-worth. While you're at it, hang out with cheerful upbeat people, who always see the glass as half full; doing so will likely result in their sunny attitude rubbing off on you.
Help Others Find Their Silver Lining
We never know what another person is going through. Having compassion for their situation may enable us to assist them through their time of trouble. Being supportive of someone who is hurting may be just what they need to develop the courage to move through their grief and improve their state of consciousness. For example, it might be helpful to remind them of their earlier achievements and accomplishments. As Benjamin Disraeli avowed, “The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.”
