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Racially charged public lynchings can be brought up in therapy as a way to deal with feelings and fears for clients. However, sometimes it just isn't "safe" enough to do so.
What happens between a Black therapist and a Black client is that we can have insight into what the client is experiencing. I know it because I have had it. Or I have seen it and I am worried about my family. I am experiencing it too, in the case of public Black lynchings. I am well aware of the systemic racism context we are living in and make it clear that I see it.
Sometimes, with Black clients. I can share my rage. My worry.
And other times, it is important for me to say, “I am a 5’1" light-skinned woman—I am not a 6’5" Black man, so I want to recognize that while I have emotions about what happened, I do not look like who was killed.”
I have to always acknowledge my light skin.
I have to recognize how I rarely feel as unsafe in my skin and how I am aware of that difference. I worry for my dad and little brother. I worry for Black women. But as a light-skinned Black woman, my skin is not as threatening to the white dominant culture as it is for some of my clients.
And I ask clients, “Is it hard to talk to me about this because I am light-skinned?” Usually, I get an answer like: “No, because you make it easy to talk to you about this.” or “I was scared to bring it up so I’m glad you did.”
It is because of the permission I have provided in my sessions. This leads not only to talk about race but other parts of culture that we tend to avoid, too.
During a recent session with a Dominican client about his uncle who had overdosed during the beginning of the pandemic, I asked, “Does your family participate in any vodou or rituals?” And the only reason I asked that was that another Dominican client of mine was heavily involved in vodou, which was surprising to me as I thought it to be much more of a Haitian experience.
He paused and said, “No, but my uncle’s son was… possessed or something, the day after. We asked him questions about what my uncle was trying to communicate…” It turns out this led to a lot of the trauma around my client’s grieving. And if I hadn’t given permission for the conversation to go there, I wouldn’t know anything about it and wouldn’t have been able to provide suggestions for him to feel protected.
And even then, a client may not be in the space to delve into it with me. Maybe they are interested in talking to me one day, and the next they aren’t. Or vice versa. Or maybe they never will be. And there is nothing I can do, except be okay with it and offer the permission to discuss. “Being okay with it” means building tolerance as a therapist to recognize others can hold space for the client, too.
