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QUESTION
Hi Irene,
I have a best friend that I've known since middle school. We've been friends for almost 20 years. I moved across the country a year ago. We've always had the type of relationship where we can go for months without talking or seeing each other and pick up where we left off.
Since I've moved away, I use Facebook a lot to keep family and friends back home up to date with important events and daily things. My close friend hardly ever "likes" or comments on my posts. I've noticed this for a while and have told myself it's not that big of a deal.
But recently I had my first child and use Facebook to share with everyone, and she still rarely, if ever, likes or comments. It really bothers me because she is very active on Facebook and always posts pictures of her children and status and I always like and comment. She also likes and comments on our mutual friend’s, so I don't understand why she doesn't do it with mine.
I know since it bothers me I should talk to her about it but I feel so childish and embarrassed about it. I don't know how to bring it up without feeling silly. I try and tell myself to just get over it (because seriously, its just Facebook for crying out loud) but when I see she's interacted with other Facebook friends it irks me all over again. *sigh*
Signed, Kaylee
ANSWER
Hi Kaylee,
How lucky you are to have such a long-term friendship that has survived the years and also living on the other side of the country.
Please don’t use your friend’s Facebook “likes” as a barometer of your friendship. It could be that your posts don’t show up in her feed or she simply doesn’t see them.
If this friendship is important to you—and it sounds like it is—why don’t you try contacting your friend by phone or email to catch up rather than relying on Facebook posts alone? When you speak or write, you might even use the opportunity to ask her if she’s seen the pictures of your baby on Facebook? Is there any chance you would want to invite her to visit?
Yes, she has other friends but resist the urge to compare your friendship to others. The dark side of social media is when we use it to judge ourselves (and our friendships) by looking at other people’s posts.
Hope this helps.
Best, Irene
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