Verified by 
President Donald Trump
Rent: Trump Rips My Family Apart
We are a microcosm of the political environment, and I don't see a solution
Posted January 28, 2018
My family had some pretty impressive arguments in the 1960s. Women’s rights, racial strife, and always Vietnam – the themes were fought out not just at our dining room table but on the news, in popular music, and on television. In fact, I’m pretty sure my father and brother had some of the exact same fights that Archie and the Meathead did. I was too young to understand it any kind of historical context, but I could see how the conflict was dividing my family.
That certainly wasn’t the only time in our nation’s history that family members took deeply felt positions on opposite sides of an issue. I can only imagine the arguments between fathers and sons in the years leading up to the Civil War, or nearly a century later when our government was rounding up Japanese-Americans for internment camps – those were life-and-death issues that demanded people take a position. The greatest moral questions require that we take a stand and declare ourselves for who we are.
And here we are today, once again facing a moral divide. Again it’s time to declare ourselves for who we are. Some families may be able to survive it, but I fear this time that mine will not. We have fought it out in person, in Irish pubs, over email, and on Facebook, and we cannot find common ground. Worse, we are using the political divide to deepen existing family fissures and likely make them irreparable. Because this is where the rubber hits the road: Say who you are, and let us all decide how – or if – we can move on.
Yes, this is about Donald Trump, but no, it’s not about politics. I can debate politics any time. I would happily and passionately spend an hour hitting the ball back and forth about individual responsibility versus community engagement, the role of religion in government, or the vexing punctuation of the Second Amendment. Good people can disagree about all of those. The rights and obligations of successful people as compared with those of the poor? I can talk about that, and I can respect opposing viewpoints. I will vigorously defend my own, of course, but I recognize that there are solid arguments to be made on the other side.
This is different. This is a basic question: Who are you?
Who are you, that you could have voted for this race-baiting, pussy-grabbing monster?
Who are you, that could support “Crooked Hillary” after eight years of Obama’s socialism?
I know who I am – I have certain core beliefs that I’ve developed over my lifetime, and they are unlikely to be changed. But I know that these are opinions. I believe that secular government is critical to civilization, and on the continuum of individualism I fall decidedly onto the community side. I was elated by the election of Barack Obama and distressed by that of George W. Bush. It’s a good bet that I would have profoundly disagreed with the political positions of any Republican candidate who had won the 2016 election.
But Trump… This is not about politics at all. This is: Who are you? And the sentiment is on both sides.
Who are you, that you say our nation should be overrun with foreigners who want to steal our way of life?
Who are you, that you would build a wall to keep out people like our own grandparents, who came here for a better life — the life we ourselves now lead?
To declare oneself a conservative, eager to press the right-wing view throughout the land, is one thing. I’d disagree, but you’d expect me to. To declare yourself in any way supportive of Trump, however, is decidedly different. And that’s what is tearing my family apart.
Those of us who are appalled by Trumpism and who denounce his racism, sexism, and his complete and willful ignorance cannot grasp how siblings, cousins, and others who share our genes could possibly think otherwise. Facing off on the other side are those who denounce socialism, government, and “snowflakes.” It’s personal, and painful, and I don’t see the way forward. We are a microcosm of what’s going on across the country right now – and if we can’t solve this in our family, how can we solve it nationwide?
I am astonished that anyone who held their nose long enough to vote for Trump could still be supporting him. I know many voters went Republican in order to advance their conservative agenda, and I get that. After all, I voted for Hillary despite her shortcomings – I understand how someone might say I held my nose as I cast my vote, just to advance a progressive agenda. But as chaos has descended on Washington, how can even the most conservative among us remain steadfast in their support? Nobody can hold their nose forever – at some point you have to give up, gasping for breath, or pass out.
To the extent that I had any edge left to go over, the “shithole country” episode pushed me past it. To me it perfectly epitomizes what’s wrong here. There are countries in the world that lag in economic development, in technology, in education, and plenty of other areas. Some of them continue to suffer the effects of colonial abuse, others were long victimized by dictators propped up by more “developed” nations. When someone talks about those countries with understanding, with historical context, and with a view toward how to move forward, they show themselves for who they are – thoughtful people with a nuanced view of the world. When someone reduces thousands of years of history to a single expletive, they also show themselves for the simplistic, ignorant beings that they are.
Trump’s ignorance is no excuse for inciting those with the basest of human instincts to rear their ugly heads. And I fear what that has unleashed in the country, and in my family. Tell me you want tax reform, and I understand. Tell me you want a cogent immigration policy, I’m with you. We might disagree on what either of those should look like, but at least we can debate it.
But tell me you really believe white Europeans are inherently superior to other peoples, and that it’s okay to openly insult and demean anyone who doesn’t look like you, and I don’t know what to do with that. Tell me these are your opinions, as good as anyone else’s opinions, and that you are entitled to them, and I have no trouble telling you they (and you) are not. After all, Hitler had opinions, too. There was a time when some were of the “opinion” that lynching was justifiable, or that gay people should be imprisoned (or worse), but these were not just opinions. They were evil – and history shows us where that leads.
The conservative side of my family doesn’t see it this way. Progressives’ disgust at having this terrible man in the White House is now read as confirmation of intolerable elitism, immorality, and whatever it is they decide is “political correctness.” They have hardened their hearts against us, as we have against them.
Who are you, that you think we should just let the rich get richer, and abandon those in our society who need us the most?
Who are you, that you think my hard-earned money should be stolen in taxes to pay for freeloaders?
On both sides, what was once a typical roster of quirks and differences is seen in a new light — now even minor complaints are evidence of moral vacuity. Old grievances are resurrected and cemented. There may not be a path back.
I don’t know how families celebrated Christmas in 1865 — were former slave owners invited to the holiday feast with abolitionist brothers and cousins? Or did they go their separate ways, families forever rent by the paths they’d taken when it was time to choose? Because right now it’s time to choose – and it’s hard to see how my family will ever sit down to a holiday meal together again.
It saddens me, to be sure. But I am not so sad that I will give ground on the essential question. I know who I am. But who are we?
