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Self-Esteem
How to Have Non-Negotiables
Non-negotiables are a solid foundation for a fulfilling and authentic life.
Posted April 17, 2024 Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Having non-negotiables means not allowing anyone to take your true core away. This isn’t just about having boundaries, it means driving your stake in the ground that supports your solid self. Your stance is the framework made of non-negotiables that house your true self. It will define your character.
Non-negotiables are things you are no longer willing to negotiate about yourself because that sh*t didn’t work. Having non-negotiables means drawing new lines with a Sharpie, not with chalk.
By drawing those lines, you are telling yourself you have worth. Even if you are unsure of your value, having non-negotiables will protect you from events or people who strip you of your sense of value.
In theory, no one can take away your value but yourself. In practice, however, we allow others to take away our value all the time. Having non-negotiables circumvents this possibility and cultivates self-protection, which in turn fosters growth. Most people negotiate more than they realize. Then they wake up one day and wonder why they're so unhappy.
Let’s do a quick experiment. Take out a piece of paper. Make columns for each part of your life. Friends, work, family, and your relationship or your last relationship. In the columns, write down all the things you have been negotiating. Really think about this.
Are you negotiating your standards? Your passions? Your truth? Your voice? Your worth? Your relationships? Your career?
Are you negotiating what you really want to do with your life? And what were the consequences? How did these sacrifices affect the quality of your life and the beliefs you have about yourself today?
Without non-negotiables, you can easily lose your sense of self. And if you don’t know who you are, how will you know where you’re going?
You become aimless, lost, and stagnant—and that’s when you drift into abusive relationships, fall into depression, cope with stress in unhealthy ways, and start to believe that you are worthless. Once you believe you have no value, everything will be a compromise.
How do you form non-negotiables? Look back at your life. Think about all the things that went wrong because you negotiated something. Follow that string and you will see that it’s tied to your sense of self-worth, which is tied to your truth. You negotiated because you separated the two. Bad or unhealthy events always chase compromised truth.
As you create non-negotiables, you will most likely feel some pushback. This is normal. But at the end of the day, it will come down to what’s at stake if you don’t hold onto your non-negotiables. That’s the question you should ask yourself.
For example, say your non-negotiable is: I will no longer be in an unhealthy relationship. Then ask yourself: What’s at stake if I negotiate to be in a healthy relationship? Well, there’s a high chance that you’ll repeat toxic or unhealthy patterns. Your growth, potential, and happiness are at stake.
Non-negotiables are essential because they provide clarity and stability. They help you define who you are and what you stand for. By knowing your non-negotiables, you gain a sense of identity and purpose. They act as a compass, guiding you toward a life you truly desire. Without them, you risk compromising your needs, getting into abusive relationships, falling into depression, and ultimately believing that you are worthless.
It's important to note that non-negotiables can change over time. As you grow and evolve, your priorities and desires may shift. What you were once willing to negotiate, you may no longer be willing to compromise, and vice versa. This change is a natural part of personal development. It's about being flexible and adapting to your current circumstances and needs, rather than compromising your true self.
Having non-negotiables is crucial because they provide a solid foundation for your life. They empower you to make choices that align with your values, protect your sense of self-worth, and guide you toward a fulfilling and authentic life.
