How to Raise Gritty Children

We have seen many examples of personal grit at the 2024 Paris Olympics. Three notable examples are USA gymnasts Simone Biles, Suni Lee, and Brody Malone.

Simone Biles is considered the greatest gymnast of all time. During the 2020 Toyko Olympics, she experienced what is called "the twisties," a temporary loss of awareness of the body's movement and position in the air, which affects the ability to maintain control of the body while doing aerial maneuvers. When this occurs, the risk of serious bodily harm increases dramatically. Simone withdrew from most of the competition and, as a result, she chose to leave gymnastics and focus on her mental health. It would be easy for the observer to understand this if she had broken her leg, or developed a severe illness because we can see an X-ray with a plate or a screw, or a person in a wheelchair.

As a psychologist, I know that experiencing a psychological phenomenon like "the twisties" in many ways, is much more difficult to overcome. We can't see it, but it is very real! After two years, with the help and support of a good therapist, family, and husband, Simone Biles overcame her anxiety and fears and took up gymnastics again. Then, at the 2024 Paris Olympics, Simone Biles led her team to Olympic gold medals in the team all-around, individual all-around, and vault, and a silver medal on floor exercises. She became the most decorated gymnast in the history of the Olympic games. Simone Biles has grit.

Last year, while at Auburn University, Suni Lee developed two rare kidney diseases. Her illness put her on the sidelines for months. It was doubtful if she would ever participate in gymnastics again, let alone defend her Toyko gold medal in this year's Paris Olympics. Suni Lee began to lose hope. After the doctors at the Mayo Clinic diagnosed her illness and prescribed the proper treatment, medication, rest, and an adjusted training schedule, she began the long road back. She was selected as a member of the U.S. Women's Olympic Gymnastics Team to compete in the 2024 Paris Olympics. Suni Lee was a major contributor to winning the team all-around gold medal and two individual bronze medals in the individual all-around and uneven bars. Suni Lee has grit.

Source: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

Brody Malone is a three-time U.S. national champion, a 2022 World Champion, and a 10-time NCAA National Champion gymnast. In March of 2023, Malone was representing USA Gymnastics in Germany at a World Cup event and fell while dismounting from the high bars. He shattered his right knee and tore most of the ligaments in his leg. It took three surgeries, nine screws, and two plates to stabilize his knee. He had to relearn to walk. Then he had to relearn his world-class gymnastics skills. One year later, on July 29, 2024, Brody Malone was a pivotal force in helping the U.S. men's gymnastics team win the team bronze medal. It was the first U.S. men's team medal in 16 years. Brody Malone has grit.

What Is Grit?

Angela Duckworth and associates (2007) define grit as

"perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Grit entails working strenuously toward challenges, maintaining effort and interest over years despite failure, adversity, and plateaus in progress. The gritty individual approaches achievement as a marathon; his or her advantage is stamina. Whereas disappointment or boredom signals to others that it is time to change trajectory and cut losses, the gritty individual stays the course."

Grit = Consistency of Interest + Perseverance of Effort

Duckworth and Quinn (2009) developed a short grit scale they called Grit-S. The 8-item scale measures two dimensions of grit: (1) consistency of interest and (2) perseverance of effort.

Consistency of Interest

Consistency of interest has to do with one's ability to focus on one thing for a prolonged period without being distracted or pulled away by something else. For example, before looking for a publisher, author J.K. Rowling rewrote her first Harry Potter book multiple times and rewrote the opening chapter a total of 15 times. She then was turned down by 12 publishers before she found one that accepted her manuscript. That's consistency of interest. Do you have consistency of interest? Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you set a goal and then change course to pursue a different one?
• Have you been obsessed with an idea or project for a short time and then lost interest?
• Do you have difficulty maintaining your focus on projects that take more than a few months to complete?
• Do new ideas and projects distract you from previous ones?

Perseverance of Effort

Perseverance of effort has to do with one's ability to finish what they begin even though they encounter setbacks along the way. It is about putting in the work. It is about being a diligent, dedicated hard worker. For example, the Franklin Institute reports that Thomas Edison and his associates conducted at least three thousand experiments to develop an efficient incandescent lamp. That's perseverance of effort. Do you have perseverance of effort? Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you finish whatever you begin?
• Do setbacks discourage you?
• Do you think of yourself as diligent?
• Do you see yourself as a hard worker?

Childhood Overindulgence

Parents can overindulge children in three different ways: (1) by giving them too much of anything, (2) by overnurturing them, and (3) by not providing enough structure. The type of overindulgence that undermines personal grit is overnurture.

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Overnurture

Parents who overnurture do things for their children that they should be doing for themselves. They often rescue their children when they become frustrated or angry. These parents excuse entitled attitudes by blaming coaches, teachers, and other adults who are trying to teach their kids to be gritty. Overnurture does the opposite of teaching grit. It teaches children to be instant gratifiers.

• Instant gratifiers are not task-oriented.
• They rarely plan ahead and routinely procrastinate. They put off the things they should do for the things that they like doing.
• They are impulsive. They want things now.
• They never save for things they want. Instead, they buy them on credit and pay for them later.

Instant gratifiers routinely get frustrated and angry when they have to wait for things or when things do not go their way.

4 Things Parents Can Do to Raise Children With Grit

Childhood overindulgence erodes personal grit. If you want your children to have grit,

1. Encourage them to set goals and stick with them.
2. Reinforce the notion of hard work, task completion, and finishing what they begin while not being distracted by other outside influences.
3. Teach them to put in the work.
4. Teach them to continue even though they may encounter setbacks along the way.

As you raise your gritty children, remind yourself of these two famous quotes by Thomas Edison.

“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

“The three great essentials to achieve anything worthwhile are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense.”

Practice Aloha. Do all things with love, grace, and gratitude.

© 2024 David J. Bredehoft