Ten Important Things

"Off the top of your head, what are the ten most important things to remember if you're a care partner for someone with dementia?"

That question was just tossed at me during an interview. I reeled silently and replied:

• Accept that this is one of the most difficult challenges you'll ever face.

• Focus on the positive, not on the losses.

• Recognize the spiritual elements of caregiving; Generosity, equanimity, loving kindness, patience and compassion are all spiritual qualities.

• Have compassion for yourself when you feel frustrated, impatient, angry or fearful.

• Keep a list of what nourishes you, because it's easy to forget to care for yourself.

• When you realize you're their lifeline in a dissolving world, every supportive and loving gesture is a gift to them.

• Ask friends and family for help! If possible, find a support group. People want to help out, and there's a risk in becoming isolated.

• Know what gives the patient comfort or reassurance. For us, it was always touch, physical closeness, music, and being in nature.

• Find the lightness or humor even in difficult situations. Yes! it's possible.

• "Faith is the bird that sings in the night while the dawn is still dark." (Rabindranath Tagore) Have faith that being someone's care companion is a heroic job. And, for both of you, at the soul level all is well.

Lists of suggestions are helpful, but sometimes what we most need is a simple practice for coming home to ourselves to find inner balance.

A centering practice:

You can do this practice anywhere, anytime - while walking, standing, or sitting in your car.

If you can, sit quietly, close your eyes and bring awareness to your breath

Allow the breath to slow down and deepen

For three to four out-breaths, invite your body to let go and relax

For three to four in-breaths, feel as though you are being nourished

For a few more breaths, repeat "calm" on the in-breath and "ease" on the out-breath (Or words that touch you: peace, acceptance, patience, faith, etc.)

Many blessings, Olivia

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