A Prince Charming Your Bad Boy Is Not

What it is about bad boys that some girls love? Is it their dark and dangerous side, lack of predictability, or maybe their tantalizing charm? Whatever it is, there must be something quite alluring about these men because they never seem to be without a woman or two on call.

For those women, the attraction is unshakable. They appear to be of the type that is always in search of a savior, a sort of modern day Prince Charming. And at first glance, a bad boy holds many of those fairy tale qualities - passion, bordering on infatuation, fearlessness and protection.

But there is a problem with being in love with a bad boy. Even the women who love them seem to know that, because often, they try and ‘fix' their men. Why? Well, because bad boys don't make good partners. They are prone to cheating, lying, joblessness, addictions, abusive behavior, manipulation, emotional coldness and/or neglect. They tend to have problems with the law, holding employment, and upholding relationship and parental duties. Very often they will push their partner's limits to a breaking point and then suddenly, like a chameleon, change course, displaying their diffusing charm. Disarmed most times by this quick and positive turn of events, their partner falls prey - back into the relationship, back into the dysfunction. She'll believe once again that she has found her happily ever after.

Does this relationship cycle ring true to you? Maybe you or someone you know seems to be caught in this trap. These bad boy (or girl) personality types have some significant prevalence in the population. There might even be one living next-door, working in your office or dating your daughter. The features people talk about when describing a bad boy are closely related to those of Antisocial Personality Disorder, a specific classification of personality pathology found in approximately 3% of adult males and 1% of adult females.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 4th Edition Text Revision, individuals with this type of personality pathology fail to conform to societal norms, are often unlawful and sometimes violate the rights of others. They tend to be deceitful or manipulative, especially if they believe their tactics will result in personal gain. In addition, they display impulsivity, irritability, aggressiveness, disregard for safety, continuous irresponsibility and lack of remorse. Although the bad boy or girl in your life might not meet diagnostic criteria for this disorder, the mere presence of certain features may lead to dysfunction in their school, work and private lives.

Antisocial Personality Disorder is difficult to treat and tends to be chronic, but there are some options. The first step involves helping the individual realize that they have a problem and may benefit from treatment. If they are willing to seek professional consultation, a primary care provider or mental health practitioner can assess for a diagnosis, contributing issues and make appropriate referrals for treatment. Often, treatment for antisocial features entails recommendations for one or more of the following: individual therapy - particularly cognitive behavioral therapy, group therapy, psychoeducation and/or medications.