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Linda: The women I work with live in the question, “How can I be a better wife?” Those who are not legally married, yet are in a committed partnership, are also guided by this question. I see the search for ways to become more accomplished in this role among new brides, but also see this questioning among the women who have been in their partnerships for years. It touches me deeply to see so many motivated to grow in this domain of their lives.
I have listed some of the guidelines that we have discovered during our inquiry into the question. “What are the attitudes and behaviors that characterize a good wife?” It is not necessary to agree with all of the ideas offered here. They are designed to prompt you to assess how you are doing in these areas. Please congratulate yourself for those areas where you are doing well, and identify those that need some work on your part. And by all means, be sure to add some ideas of your own.
A good wife makes her husband’s needs as important as her own, but not more important than her own.
A good wife is generous of spirit, but not to a fault.
A good wife doesn’t even have obedience in her vocabulary.
A good wife draws boundaries with loving-kindness.
A good wife speaks her truth without blame and judgment.
A good wife will say “no” to sex occasionally but is smart enough to offer affection and hope for sex coming soon.
A good wife tunes into her husband’s needs and attempts to meet them without him having to ask.
When her husband shares his feelings, she reinforces that behavior by welcoming them.
When her husband is vulnerable about his feelings and his needs, she encourages such transparency.
A good wife turns first to her husband for guidance about concerns rather than to others.
A good wife enlists plenty of support from family and friends so as not to overburden her husband.
A good wife honors confidentiality.
A good wife is a terrific listener.
A good wife is a champion of repair.
A good wife will step into the leadership role, so her husband feels her as a full-fledged partner.
A good wife is strong without being bossy.
A good wife is devoted to her children and is careful to see to it that her husband doesn’t feel displaced by the demands of the kids.
A good wife has romance on her mind and brings the thrill that accompanies romance into the partnership with vacations, getaways, and honeymoons, even if they’ve been together for decades.
A good wife dreams up activities of novelty and adventure to keep the spark alive.
A good wife holds her own in an argument and won’t cave in to keep the peace.
A good wife builds up her husband’s confidence to take on challenges by pointing out his signature strengths.
A good wife is forgiving when she trusts that her husband is sincerely sorry that he hurt her and let her down.
A good wife will be bold and assertive when a situation calls for it and won’t wait for her man to rescue her.
A good wife can be in her feminine mode and allow her strong man to dote on her from time to time.
A good wife is flexible about alternating who takes the lead in different areas.
A good wife knows that being a sacrificing martyr breeds resentment and she won’t do that to herself or her husband.
A good wife holds a high level of integrity for herself.
A good wife will inquire of her husband if his needs are being met, listen carefully, and attempt to meet those needs as much as she can.
A good wife knows her own needs and is willing to tell them to her husband so that he can rejoice in being a good husband.
A good wife knows that her husband, as much as he may love her, can’t meet all her needs and is wise enough to turn to others.
A good wife does not make demands and commands but instead offers invitations.
A good wife is a gracious receiver.
A good wife offers constructive feedback, sharing her experience from her heart, rather than opinions from her mind that are often critical and judgmental.
When she wants something, yet knows he may be reluctant, she appeals to his enlightened self-interest so that he is clearly aware of what’s in it for him to join her around that desire.
A good wife knows that she can’t win an argument if her husband loses. The only way to win is to find a way for them both to win through cooperation and understanding.
And a good wife knows that a good husband honors all these guidelines, too.
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