Why We Should Daydream More Often

Daydreaming was something most of us were reprimanded for doing at school, and if we do it now, people may say we are wasting time or that we have our heads in the clouds. However, active daydreaming can help us become more empathic, intuitive, creative, and kind. Our intimate relationships thrive or flounder depending on the quality of conversations and depth of connection we have. And active daydreamers are good at conversation and depth. They are more open and sensitive and more able to see the "big picture," making them less likely to be blaming and judgmental.

What is active daydreaming?

Daydreaming is a capability supported by our ability to imagine (which some people associate with "right-brain" activities) whereas being logical, verbal, and orderly is supported by our rational capability – sometimes associated with "left-brain" functions. To be at our best in our relationships and in life we need both capabilities working together. This happens when, for example, we allow our minds to roam and dream actively before opening our laptops each day or when we take a moment each morning to remember our dreams before looking at our phones. Albert Einstein famously said he lived his daydreams in music. He was a rational scientist who was hugely influenced by his imagination, and frequently allowed himself to be carried away by music and dreams. For Einstein, these moments were the source of brilliant ideas and theories.

Daydreaming as a means of improving the way we understand people or solve problems is different from the kind of daydreaming we do when we simply drift off in pleasant thoughts about, for example, winning the lottery or moving to a place in the sun. When daydreaming becomes a practice—like yoga or mindful breathing—and is something we do regularly and intentionally, it can bring surprising benefits. We can experience feelings, inspirations, ideas, and insights that would not have occurred to us had we remained in our usual, rational, problem-solving, hyper-busy routines. And the practice of stimulating both hemispheres of our brain will mean that those feelings and insights arise "around the clock"—not just when we’re daydreaming.

Unfortunately, many of us only use our rational brain because as children, we were not taught to use our imagination as well as we were taught to use our intellect. On top of that, our culture rewards rational logic and action over intuition and feeling, which makes us overvalue these things and shapes the way we relate to others and solve problems.

People who are oriented to rational thinking are often are less empathic, less comfortable with novelty and the unfamiliar, and less spontaneous, and tend to divide the world into parts and categories. As a result, they fail to see the deeper meanings and connections between people and situations. More "rational" people might appear to be smarter but their thinking and behaviour are less complex than those whose rational and imaginal brain muscles are strong. Rationalists may struggle to "think out of the box" or engage in creative "blue sky" activities at work because their imaginal brain, rarely used, doesn’t have the skill or ability to help out on demand.

The reason our rational capability is less effective on its own is that it is a closed system that can only work with the contents already in it. If nothing new is offered, it will simply re-hash the same old ideas and theories to explain things and make decisions. But explaining—which the rational brain is good at—is not the same as understanding. The term mansplaining refers not just to a male habit of patronizing women but also to the rationalist tone of talk with its preference for intellectualizing, describing, and explaining. When we understand something, we see it in its context and experience it more fully and deeply.

Day (and night) dreaming dissolves the hard boundary between the rational and the imaginal and enables us to truly understand ourselves, others, and situations. When we dream, we allow the contents of our unconscious mind to influence us, and it is from the Mind Palace of our unconscious that the clues and suggestions for understanding life’s mysteries will emerge.

5 ways to become a better daydreamer

1. First, give yourself permission to daydream, and remind yourself that daydreaming is going to improve your relationships and even your performance at work.
2. Once or twice a day, lie back and stare at the ceiling or out the window and practice the soft gaze. This is when we look into the distance but don’t focus on any one thing. Focusing stops our mind from wandering, which is what we want it to do when we dream.
3. Once you have mastered the soft gaze, practice open attention by being interested in the comings and goings of your thoughts and feelings without getting stuck on them. If you do get stuck, turn your attention to your breathing. The in-and-out rhythm of your breath is soothing and can help detach your thoughts from worries and over-thinking.
4. Exercise your imagination by resting your gaze on an object—the tree outside or a coffee cup—and imagine yourself to be that object. What do you as a tree or coffee cup want to say? Engage in a conversation with the tree or cup.
5. Practice free-fall writing. Take a stem sentence from anywhere—a book or magazine or words in your head. Examples might be: "All aboard the night train..." or "some children…" or "there’s a joke about…" Now continue writing from that stem. When you feel stuck, it’s important to keep writing. If you do stop, you’ve been hijacked by rationality that wants you to make your writing tidy and logical or thinks the whole thing is a waste of time. Instead, keep writing the stem sentence over and over again until you unblock, and your imagination flows again. Write like this for at least three minutes, and practice daily. You’ll be surprised at what comes out when the ink starts to flow.

If active daydreaming exercises leave you feeling cynical or frustrated, remind yourself that much of our greatest literature, technological inventions, medical breakthroughs, and understanding of the universe have come from open-minded daydreamers who have embraced the novel, the absurd, and the unintelligible. In addition, it is passion and feeling over logic that has motivated our greatest leaders and inspired others to follow.

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If more of us become daydream believers, our workplaces and relationships would thrive as we start to see the possibility, mystery, and beauty of the everyday and the ordinary. Active daydreaming enables us to experience ourselves and our relationships as extraordinary and keeps the freshness and wonder of early love alive.