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It seems inevitable that central to our lives is the challenge of dealing with uncertainty. We continue to face medical challenges, political contention, international unrest, mass shootings, climates change disasters and more. What do we say to the children? What do we tell ourselves? How do we cope with uncertainty?
This place between the loss of life as we knew it and the unknown has a name – It is called the “liminal space.” To most of us, being in this space is being in a place of uncertainty, one that generates considerable anxiety.
“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” (H.P. Lovecraft)
The better we can tolerate and negotiate uncertainty — the better we can change our present state from a place of peril to a place of possibility.
A Mindset for Coping with Uncertainty includes Two Overall Guidelines: Avoiding Anxiety Traps and Taking Steps Forward
Avoiding Anxiety Traps:
Disengage From the Past
Experts like Dr. Steve Ilardi, author of the Depression Cure, have found that the inability to stop negative ruminating about “what was” or “what should have been” keeps us unhappy and limits our view of future options.
It actually triggers stress reactions of fight, flight, and numbing which compromise our judgment as well as our immune system.
Of course, we need to grieve in our own way for what we have suffered, lost, or never expected; but we are capable of multiple feelings. Even with tears, looking forward with a moment of hope enables us to see traces of possibilities in the future.
"Possibility is the oxygen upon which hope thrives.” (Paul Rogat) Loeb, 2004, (p.19)
Don’t Assume the Worst
Some try to reduce their anxiety in face of uncertainty by assuming the worst. They want to be prepared. Given we don’t have a crystal ball on prediction and we know that living with a sense of impending disaster is depleting, the position of predicting the worst undermines resilience.
It does not prepare us — it scares us. It compromises a range of possible responses to whatever we face — which are often much better than we would have imagined for ourselves.
Don’t Get Caught in a State of Waiting
If we wait for the “ good times” when there are no real problems, no disease, no violence, no tension, no wars, we will never have a chance to live fully. We will be stuck instead of challenged to find ways to see the moments, and people that matter.
Life can feel like a traffic jam: You feel trapped in your car, there’s only static on the radio and it is hard to know what is happening up ahead. There is the tendency to argue with everyone else in the car, get out of the car to look at what can’t be seen, or become emotionally trapped in the jam.
Taking Steps Forward:
Begin to Fill Your Space and Time With Achievable Goals
Design how to spend certain days — knowing that the best plan is the capacity to change the plan.
Take even a small amount of time each day to create a ritual you love - Taking a walk to listen to music, praying, playing with your pet, watching a certain show with the family, adding on a few more puzzle pieces, reading, cooking, etc. can become the predictable activities that strengthen your capacity to handle the unpredictable.
Help others - Reaching out to others in need has been reported as a valuable way to reduce the waiting and helplessness in difficult times. It fills a time of uncertainty and pain with purpose.
Set up goals. Take a free online course that expands your job skills or check out resources that increase your understanding of job options.
Any goal that we can achieve from vacuuming to improving job possibilities, fuels momentum, fosters a sense of agency and lowers anxiety in uncertain times.
“Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle nowhere you find yourself.” Anonymous
Use Realistic Optimism vs. Blind Optimism
According to Southwick and Chaney authors of Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life's Greatest Challenges, realistic optimism is different than blind optimism because it is active, not passive. The person using realistic optimism does not miss the negatives but disengages from problems that appear unsolvable and attends to problems they can solve.
Matt Hutson, science writer and author of The Seven Laws of Magical Thinking, suggests that optimism allows us to see openings for success in ambiguous situations and redefine obstacles as opportunities.
Making note of the resilience of those you love conveys hope and optimism in how they will manage the unknown.
Go With Curiosity
Curiosity changes the fear of the unknown path to one of possibility. It changes the mindset from “I’m afraid.” to “I wonder what it will be?”
Curiosity allows embracing the unexpected — the life change, option, network, new relationship, or challenge with a self that is interested and engaged, rather than a self hijacked by anxiety.
We Are Facing Uncertainty Together
You are not venturing alone. We are facing uncertainty together. As such, our capacity increases when we can lean on each other, learn from each other and look forward with hope…
"When Nothing Is Certain, Anything Is Possible" — Tiny Buddha
