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Over the years, many of my patients have struggled with dating and the process of finding that special person with whom to share their lives. And here we are in the midst of a pandemic, so how feasible is it to expect to meet someone now? My response to that is that this is a great time to potentially meet that special someone for numerous reasons. "When faced with lemons, make lemonade" is the mindset necessary for many things, and dating during a pandemic is one of them. And this is a great time to take your time getting to know someone.
Dating can be simple and complicated—simple based on the fact that it becomes a matter of being willing to put yourself out there in the hope of meeting someone, virtually these days, and complicated insofar as you are able to own your issues which propel and repel connection and relationships. Meeting someone these days through an online dating platform is the means to an end, with the added advantage of having more time and forced distance to learn more about the other.
Some tips before the search:
1. Take some time to list for yourself what qualities are necessary for you in a partner.
2. Be clear about what you are looking for. Are you looking for a long-term relationship, or are you looking for something else? Be ready to communicate that to whomever you meet.
3. Have you learned from relationships in the past? Why did they not work out? Soul-search your issues—what propels and repels your connections—and be open to working on them with a therapist.
4. Do you have the patience to deal with the process of dating, or are you in a rush? Be honest with yourself.
Once a mutual connection is made online, virtual dating takes the form of how dating once actually was—getting to know the person by back-and-forth talking, whether by chat or telephone. Without the visual sensory experience of in-person, you are left with the exchange of information that provides the basis of connection. And with plenty of time to find out about who you are interested in, you are in a better position of making an informed decision on whether they are someone that you might choose to begin a relationship with.
So how is it done? Some tips for how:
1. Explore the available dating websites for one which is a good fit and feels user-friendly to you.
2. Be sure you have a thoughtful profile that presents your best self. A photo should reflect what you really look like, not something from decades ago. The person with whom you have the potential for a relationship will be fine with who you are and what you look like now. If not, you have no reason to waste time with someone looking for someone else.
3. Once you mutually connect with someone, spend careful time getting to know them. As much as you might want to move to the next phase of dating, by learning things about one another, you position yourself to have an informed sense of who this person is and whether they are right for you. You have a great reason to be really careful and take your time—it's a pandemic.
4. It’s an excellent opportunity to explore how they have been coping with all that has been happening regarding the pandemic and whether you have similar coping skills. This is a good determinant of compatibility. Use this time to actually take your time getting to know them.
5. Plan virtual dates. Share a virtual meal, get dressed as if you're meeting, share your respective ideas of things you enjoy. There will be a future time for that.
6. If you're in a rush, or if they are in a rush, question the motives. Lasting connections take time.
7. Postpone meeting until it's safe. And when and if you do decide to meet, absolutely take necessary precautions without exception—social distancing, masks, gloves. Just because you have a connection with someone doesn't preclude COVID-19 contagion.
8. Finally, be kind to yourself and acknowledge that all this is not easy. Be sure to discern whether dating might be too much of a stressor for you during this period and might be better postponed to a later time. But if you do decide to date, meeting someone during a pandemic makes a great story.
