Mental Health, Mindfulness, and Sexual Mindfulness

We are in a mental health crisis. Chances are, you have felt some increased anxiety, stress, or depression in some or many of your recent experiences. Mindfulness (being present and aware in the current moment) and sexual mindfulness (being aware of thoughts and feelings during arousal) may provide some assistance in helping work through feelings of anxiety, loneliness, and disconnection.[i]

Some psychologists have suggested a need for more grit or an ability to roll with stress, anxiety, and other setbacks. Grit encourages a type of tolerance building so that when stress arises, you are a little toughened against it. Here are five mindful ways to build a little more tolerance and skill in dealing with anxiety and stress:

1. Schedule a mental health day in advance.

Scheduling time for yourself is not selfishness. This is like a daily hygiene routine. Take time regularly (once a month or more often if possible) and plan a mental health day in advance. Maintaining this routine gives the advantage of personal time as well as the benefit of anticipating this respite.

Try a little meditation or yoga, see a therapist, get a massage, or spend quality time with family and friends. If being alone is what you crave, plan a quiet day of solitude. No matter the activity, plan it and stick to it. Downtime is as important as washing your hands. Give yourself a cleansing day of mental nourishment.

Your mental health day could also include some slow sex. Notice how touch may relax or create anxiety. Try meditating with your partner to create a deeper connection and open up space for important conversations. Mindful sex has been shown to reduce anxiety and create a space of connection.[ii]

2. Meditate for 10 minutes.

Meditate for a few minutes if you feel like an entire day is impossible. Try the bumble bee meditation or repeat an affirming mantra, such as:

1. I am enough.
2. This moment is precious.
3. I choose a path of happiness and wellness.
4. I am creating happiness within myself.
5. I choose to be happy every day of my life.
6. Today is a gift, and I embrace it with positivity.
7. I begin each day with a grateful heart.

Simple practices such as these can help you get in tune with your mind, your emotions, and your body. Take a simple step by breathing deeply or comforting yourself with positive affirmations. Research shows that if you have a history of depression, meditation can be particularly beneficial[iii] and may even prevent a relapse of severe depression.[iv]

Being mindful while interacting with your partner may not seem like it would supercharge your relationship, but research is clear that slowing down and being more present with your partner acts like a daily vitamin that nourishes communication and connection.[v] Don’t expect immediate results, but don’t be surprised how little changes bring about big improvements.

3. Do something creative.

Express a side of yourself that isn’t often revealed—draw or paint a picture, dance, or sing—even if you’re not a dancer or singer. Connecting with our physical body calms the mind. Research shows that body movement can help reduce negative feelings and invigorate positive emotions.[vi]

Mindfulness Essential Reads

Mindfulness and Contemplative Photography

Embracing Simplicity: A Gift of Awareness

Take Lee Ann Womack’s advice and dance! Other research shows the physical and mental health benefits of artistic expression of any kind.[vii] Get crafty. Be silly. And recognize the wisdom of this seemingly frivolous indulgence. Creativity nourishes your soul.

4. Get outside.

Reconnect with Mother Nature. Research indicates that time in nature reduces anxiety and ADHD symptoms.[viii] Taking a hike regularly could be a good prescription for better functioning. Not only will you boost vitamin D intake, but research shows the benefits of spending time outdoors can reduce mood disorders.[ix]

One under-emphasized benefit of getting outdoors and being active is that it boosts your sexual desire and sexual satisfaction.[x] Physical activity gets your body going, and arousal increases when your blood is moving. Who knew that hiking could be so sexy?

5. Mindfully connect with friends and family.

Connection drives away loneliness. Every human needs a quality connection—family, friends, and colleagues are all good sources of support and boost your sense of belonging. See if you can observe your emotions while you interact with others. Notice your breathing and whether you are fully present (aware) of how your body responds to your relationships.

In addition to your close relationships, other associations can serve as a type of curated advisors. Church groups, clubs, support groups, or a girls’ or guys’ group can remind you that you are valued and matter. Mindfully interacting with others has been shown to increase meaning in life and improve physical and mental health.[xi]

These relationships need to rise to the top of your priority list occasionally so that you can develop a wide array of support in peaceful as well as stressful times. When you struggle with mental health issues, this mindfully curated group of advisors can buoy you and create an environment of compassion instead of judgment.[xii]

Although it may seem like a stretch, research also shows that mindfulness and sexual mindfulness can ward off the feelings of loneliness that creep into relationships and tamp down feelings of love and desire.[xiii]

Conclusion

Slowing down to observe your responses is an important mental health practice. You cannot be there for others if you have depleted your own functioning. In a description of mindfulness, Dr. Siegal and his colleagues said, “Mindfulness is a deceptively simple way of relating to all experiences that can reduce suffering and set the stage for positive personal transformation.”[xiv]

So whether you want to feel more at ease, more connection, or more passion in your life and relationships, slow down, notice, observe, and be more curious about your experience.