Ready or Not

Ready to trip you up

Source: Gifteringotham

When I tripped and fell on the sidewalk, and the tumble knocked the wind out of me, I was very, very uncomfortable until I realized that I could get up and made the decision to do so.

When I left my hand bag in a taxi in New York, I was very uncomfortable until I decided to go to the security office on campus for assistance.

In both situations, discomfort was eased (not eliminated necessarily) when I made a decision.

Resilience is the ability to make a decision in discomfort.

The most common way to define of resilience is ‘bouncing back’. Bouncing back has a very positive feeling about it. People we call resilient seem to be very positive about life as they bounce back from adversity. The picture I always imagine is someone on a trampoline, bouncing with a big smile. But being positive is not enough for resilience, nor is it essential.

Discomfort over time and the decision space

Source: Pelerei, Inc.

When we are hit with the unanticipated, we can become very uncomfortable.

Look at the graph. Can you see resilience in a new way?

This is where we enter that space that Viktor Frankl talked about when he said, “between stimulus and response there is a space.” He went on to say that in that space, we choose our response. It’s a decision moment. Once made, our discomfort usually lessens.

Situations demanding decisions

Maybe you are wondering, "What about someone who cares for a disabled person, when the stimulus is ongoing? Don’t they have resilience?" The answer is yes. They make the decision every day to continue. The decision most likely is just as uncomfortable one day to the next, yet it is made again and again.

What about the person who is disabled? They cannot even leave the source of the stimulation. The choice is more limited but just as real. They are choosing how they respond to this ongoing challenge in their life. They can choose the role of victim or fighter or an approach of gratitude or...

What about a child who goes from one mishap to another? Surely, he or she is resilient? Absolutely! The issue here is whether the child has agency. When agency or the possibility of agency is present, a child eventually chooses to move on, and the child builds her resilience in the process. When a parent rushes in to solve the problem, this opportunity is lost.

What about the leader who suddenly learns that her key team member has just left the company to join a competitor? This is a stress-inducing situation where decisions must be made. She has to consider how to debrief the person, who will take over the tasks of this key person, how she will discover the real reason for the resignation, how she will assess other team members to assure they are comfortable, and how she will protect herself from this in the future.

Any leader is distressed if a key member decides to abandon the work and take all his or her knowledge over to the competition. In that moment, the leader must be ready to take a deep breath and put in place actions that will mitigate the loss—for the immediate time frame and for the future. When sudden disruption occurs in an organizational setting, the distress can lead to impulsive actions that can compound the issue. Instead, the resilient leader knows that this is the time for careful decision making, to move from distress and back to normal operation. Moreover, the prepared resilient leader has already taken actions that help her entire team to be ready to respond as well.

The Crux of Resilience

The more I realized that resilience is a decision that sits in Frankl's space, the easier it became to distinguish

• resilience from positive thinking—which is keeping a cheery, generative perspective;
• resilience from perseverance or persistence—which are enduring even when it gets tough; and
• resilience from grit —which is staying with something deliberately with passion and purpose toward a goal.

When I look at these words, it’s clear why people can conflate resilience with them or include resilience within their definitions. The meanings have overlaps. But for me, the essence of resilience remains: the ability to make a decision in discomfort.

My work is devoted to helping people recognize that the discomfort is normal. Learning how to make decisions in discomfort allows that discomfort to ease more quickly and effectively.

Resilience Essential Reads

Voting as Self-Healing

What Makes Us Resilient After Trauma?

There is a moment between the stimulus and the way one chooses to respond that shows a leader’s real grace and power—and that is the crux of resilience. Are you ready to make tough, complex, or unusual decisions in the midst of distress and discomfort? Ready or not?