How to Reclaim Your Right to Rest—While Stigmatized

Source: @pikisuperstar/Freepik

In my inclusion work, I have heard this sentiment too many times: “I am tired. But people like me must work twice as hard to be seen as half as good as the others. So I keep going.”

I have also said this too many times. Keep going, on fumes and antidepressants, whatever it takes.

“Like me” comes in many forms: first-generation college graduates and immigrants, people from marginalized ethnic groups, disabled and neurodivergent people, early career professionals, older professionals threatened by ageism, and many others.

Some learned from their parents to “work harder than others." Many were pressed by their bosses to work more than their coworkers. Black employees know that their work is likely to be scrutinized. And single women are often assigned more work than their coworkers. Multiply marginalized people may experience all of the above.

The “overdelivering tax” on people from stigmatized groups is a societal problem and should be addressed systemically. At least three parties should be involved:

1. Individuals affected by biases and fearful of taking time off
2. Managers and employers who can help create more just workplaces
3. Thought leaders and culture influencers who can help shape cultural norms and expectations

Here, I focus on how marginalized workers can protect themselves.

Marginalized Workers: Reclaiming the Right to Rest

I have major anxiety about taking time off. My grandmother’s stories of starvation during World War II and the extremes it took to survive must have something to do with it. Being a first-generation college student aiming for top academic scholarships reinforced my overdelivering habit. So did my long-ago boss' insistence on evaluating the work of immigrants by much higher standards, and another boss’ belief that single women must produce more and work weekends because they have nothing else to do with their lives. I am not “cured” from the overwork habit, but the tips below help me develop a more sustainable approach to work.

Understand that overdelivering is a trap. Overdelivering does not work. More often than not, outstanding, “out-of-the-ballpark” performance provides only an illusion of safety, while setting us on the road toward unsustainable demands. The more you do, the more will be expected of you.

This may seem like a good “job security” strategy, but, in most workplaces, if not this year, then next year or the year after, you will be buried by the avalanche of work, and your health will suffer—and with it, your job security. Research also demonstrated that other “side effects” of exceptional performance include bullying and even sabotage from coworkers.

Humanize yourself. Performing well is important. High—but not twice as good, twice as much—performance, however, is best when coupled with relationship building, or “humanizing yourself,” because dehumanization is one of the most problematic aspects of marginalization. High performance without relationship building is likely to reinforce the dehumanization of the performer. We become typecast as workhorses, and recovering without leaving our jobs is almost impossible.

Bringing more of yourself to work as a person from a marginalized group can be scary. Stigmatized people are used to masking disabilities and cultural code-switching at work. When you are different, sharing often results in blank stares at best and ridicule at the worst.

I know disclosure is hard. In some cases, sharing is giving people ammunition. My disclosure of being autistic has been used against me (I have written quite extensively on working while autistic and the research that reveals workplace discrimination).¹ But disclosure anxiety and the lack of connection create a vicious cycle that needs to be broken somewhere. While immediate and full vulnerability with everyone is not the answer, connecting in baby steps will likely work. A photo here, a mention there, a story another time.

Sharing is also difficult when your lifestyle, family, or living situation is different from most. But it is still possible. When others talk about their kids and weekend plans, talk about whatever matters to you, be it pets, sports, or creative pursuits. When others share photos of landscaping their large yards, a close-up photo of your thriving container garden can be just as attractive.

Take baby steps. The baby steps approach can also ease taking time off and saying “no.” Try taking a weekend off. Then a long weekend. A short vacation. You will be more productive when rested.

Say “no” to a project that will force you into overwork, citing your other projects. Then say “no” to a committee appointment not aligned with your goals. Then say “no” to taking over someone else’s responsibilities—and don’t bother explaining.

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If working reasonable hours results in the work pileup, or if during your baby steps experiment your manager or coworkers push you into overwork, consider looking for a healthier environment or helping to bring about the change in your current organization.

Change your environment. Yes, changing jobs is a big step. And, sometimes, we feel that the stigma will travel with us, so why bother? But it is possible to find a more inclusive organization, and moving can also help establish a fresh expectations baseline. The baby step approach can also make moving into a better situation easier—perhaps an internal transfer within your current organization will help with both finding a more accepting subculture and with a baseline re-set.

Finally, an empowerment strategy that can help you (as well as others) is becoming involved in the effort to create a healthier workplace for everyone by collaborating with coworkers or community organizations focused on advancing well-being and inclusion at work.

Just make sure to put on your oxygen mask first.

Read the installment focused on the role of leaders in ensuring the workload dignity here.

A version of this post is also published in Fast Company.