Tips for Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone

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Getting out of your comfort zone can be exciting—it expands your horizons, boosts your resilience, and unlocks your creativity, all while smashing through the barriers of a fixed mindset. However, this journey isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it pushes us beyond what's exciting, triggering our primal fight-flight-freeze instincts. So, before we discuss pushing ourselves, it's crucial to first equip ourselves with the tools to be able to recover.

Learning Mindfulness

It's important to understand how to ground yourself or self-soothe when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Begin by finding a cozy spot to sit or lie down, gently shut your eyes, and centre your attention. Focus on breathing and notice which parts of your body move when you breathe in and out. As your breath begins to find a pattern or rhythm, shift your attention to different parts of your body to find sensations or tension. Notice these sensations or tensions without judgment—just simply note them and move your attention to other areas. When your mind wanders or begins to fret, simply revert to where you were focused on your body. Practice focusing attention on different parts of your body, moving through your entire self.

Any amount of time will help you build your mindfulness. However, if you can find a time of day (e.g., upon waking up) that works with your schedule, begin to build it into your routine.

Now that you are equipped to recover in case you get overwhelmed, it's time to shake things up. Venturing beyond your comfort zone can look different for everyone, but two common challenges are setting boundaries by saying no and asking for help.

Setting Boundaries By Saying No

There are many reasons why we don't like saying no to each other: we fear rejection or conflict, we want approval, we feel obligated, we feel we might be missing out on an opportunity, we are people-pleasers, or we don't feel comfortable showing assertiveness. However, saying no can be important if saying yes negatively impacts your mental or physical well-being.

Overcoming barriers to setting boundaries and saying no often involves self-reflection, building assertiveness skills, and establishing healthier patterns of communication and behaviour. When and how we say no also depends on the ask, who is asking, and why they are asking. A great way to go through and evaluate these questions is through the Dime Game.

In this game, choose the "Do I decline someone's request?" option. After going through ten questions, it will help you understand if this is the right time to set a boundary and how assertively to do it. After you complete the questions, you see a summary and can toggle answers to see if it changes the response.

Sometimes, setting boundaries isn't about saying no, but it's about saying no for right now. It's about prioritizing your needs and ensuring you can commit to your existing responsibilities. That is, setting boundaries is not about controlling or manipulating others; it's about taking responsibility for your well-being and respectfully advocating for your needs.

When thinking about whether to say yes or no, consider what you are comfortable with, and what makes you feel stressed. Start small and be consistent. By setting and maintaining boundaries, you cultivate healthier relationships and create space for personal growth and fulfillment.

Asking for Help

One of the paradoxes of humans is that we tend to love being asked to help, but we tend to hate asking for help. Knowing this can help you gain some confidence that asking for help is okay. One great example is Jia Jiang, who explicitly asked for help every day for 100 days, intentionally trying to get no's, but was surprised when he was able to transform many of those no's into yesses.

The Dime Game also helps you understand how to ask for something.

When you are going to ask for help, first clarify your goals for the interaction, develop a script, and practice until you are comfortable. Explain the situation, let the person know how you feel, state your needs, clarify how this will benefit the other person, and identify any compromises you are willing to make to meet your needs. For example, "I've noticed the dishes are all around the house. I feel exhausted at the end of the day and the smell puts me off and can create a bad mood. I need the dishes to be put into the sink or dishwasher in the evenings. If you could do this for me, it would make me feel more at ease at the end of the day. Perhaps if you can help me collect the dishes, I can help wash them if they are all in one place?"

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Asking for help can help you solve problems, prevent burnout, and build relationships. Overall, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It enables you to leverage the support and resources leading to greater success, fulfillment, and well-being.