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Parenting

The Legacy of Mr. Rogers

The power of being deliberate and kind.

When I was a child, I distinctly remember watching the Mr. Rogers show on PBS. I grew fond of the routine he had—enter the house singing, take off one sweater, put on a different sweater, sit down, take off a shoe, throw it from one hand into the other, take off the other shoe, put on tennis shoes, end song. There was something about seeing Mr. Rogers do that every day that was so comforting. I depended on that song.

I also remember how he would talk to me. That's right. He was talking to me, and no one else. He would tell me how important I was, and give me permission to be myself. There was a period of time when, as the "Won't you be my neighbor?" song cued up to indicate that the show was ending, that I would cry because I missed him already.

A year or so ago, my family and I took a trip. On the airplane, I selected my movie entertainment—Tom Hanks' depiction of Mr. Rogers in A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. I cried on the plane. Even though I'm a grown man, his dedication to treating children with kindness spoke to me again. There was something deep inside that was warmed by the same messages. I was special. I was important. I was allowed to be who I was. Mr. Rogers loved me.

When people ask me to put my parenting advice into its shortest form, this is what I say: Most adults think of themselves as younger than their bodies actually are. And much of what makes us tick is based on memories and feelings we had when we were small. Your self-conception has been built on the ways your parents spoke to you and treated you. If you had even one person in your life who valued you, and treated you with kindness and respect, you are much more likely to be resilient in the face of life's challenges.

Mr. Rogers was one of those people for me, and I try to be one of those people for my own children. Recognize the tremendous influence your parenting is having on your child's own adult self-conception. There is no greater responsibility that you have right now than to build up your child with encouraging words and kind guidance.

Very recently, I was scrolling around YouTube, and I came across Mr. Rogers' commencement speech in 2002 at his alma mater, Dartmouth College. Here is the speech, if you'd like to be comforted and inspired:

The courage to speak so deliberately! The brave choice to just sit in silence with the audience! The recognition that all of us are just big children, needing to feel loved! And the permission to take time out to be grateful for the people who have supported us along the way! These are lessons we can all learn over and over, and then pay them forward. All of these ways of being that Mr. Rogers exemplified are just pieces of what makes Mr. Rogers so great. I miss him already.

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