Verified by 
How we communicate with someone, the language we use, and the words we choose are important and can comfort someone or cause them pain and suffering. Sometimes we may just say something and not realize what effect we may have on the other person receiving the message.
When I was growing up, I was always told to think before I spoke. That sounds easy, but it is not always easy to do. It seems to be easier for introverts to do rather than extroverts because many extroverts usually speak before they think about what they are going to say. However, it is not always easy for some introverts either.
Unfortunately, the bereaved are usually the ones who receive unsolicitous advice as well as a lot of comments such as “Get over it," “Move on," or “You are young enough to find someone else.” These words and others like them are often received by the bereaved and are certainly not comforting but rather very hurtful to hear.
Using the right language around children, no matter what age, is also important. Young children often take words literally when told, for example, that they must be the man of the house now that their dad has died and take care of their mom and brothers and sisters. They feel they need to take over the chores, help make decisions, and be sure their mom is okay. They may be told not to cry in front of their mom because it might upset her. So out of fear of upsetting mom and the family, they don’t cry. This is a big responsibility for a young child, yet that might be what they take on, due to the words told to them by a family member.
Now, what does the child do with their grief? Who is there to help them? Who can they cry with or talk with about their loss?
Why do some people feel the need to speak yet have no idea how they could hurt the person they are trying to comfort? Today, more people text and do not have face-to-face discussions. Yet they send words of comfort without realizing the consequences those words may have.
So, how can language and words be comforting to someone who is grieving? One way is to think before you speak. Think about what would help you if you were grieving. What words would you like to hear from someone who would comfort you? Often being a good listener without offering advice is better than any words you could say to someone who's hurting. Allow someone to feel what they feel without telling them how they should feel or to stop thinking or talking about a deceased loved one and move on.
So, try to think before you speak, and be aware that the words you are about to use could make a big difference to whoever you try to comfort. Often people just don’t know what to say to the bereaved, so they say what they think will make them feel better, which doesn’t always turn out very comforting.
It is important for the bereaved or those hurting to say what they want or need from others so that the messages are delivered with comforting rather than hurtful words. Sometimes just a shoulder to cry on is needed. Sometimes a listening ear (without advice) and maybe even a hug are what's needed; perhaps a phone call now and then to ask how the bereaved are doing or if they would like to go out for a meal sometime.
