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Key points
- Excessive autonomy may foster entitlement and behavioral issues in children.
- Balanced feedback promotes realistic self-assessment and improvement.
- Clear boundaries and guidance are crucial for healthy empowerment.
Empowerment is often celebrated as a positive parenting strategy, believed to foster independence, self-confidence, and resilience in children. However, when empowerment is misapplied or excessive, it can lead to unintended negative consequences. I've seen this firsthand in my clinical counseling work with parents and families. My clinical experiences piqued my interest; in looking at the research literature, there does seem to be some support that our culture's focus on personal empowerment and using one's voice for self-advocacy may have reached its limits, and beyond. This post explores the potential pitfalls of inappropriately empowering children and its consequences and offers insights into how parents can avoid these traps.
Entitlement and Authority Issues
When parents treat children as peers, children may begin to see themselves as equals in decision-making, which can lead to a sense of entitlement. They might believe they have the right to dictate rules and expectations within the home, challenging the traditional parental authority necessary for providing structure and boundaries. Research indicates that children need clear boundaries to feel secure and develop self-discipline and respect for authority.
When children are given too much power or autonomy without corresponding responsibilities, they may develop unrealistic expectations about their capabilities and rights. This can manifest in difficulty accepting rules and authority, struggles with frustration and disappointment, and problematic interpersonal relationships. A study on family empowerment highlighted that inappropriate empowerment might lead to behavioral issues, as children may not learn to navigate boundaries effectively.
Issues in the home can have ripple effects throughout a child's life. Behavioral issues may emerge in school or social environments, where they might not accept limits set by teachers or peers. Studies have shown that clear boundaries are essential for healthy psychological development and social functioning.
In the absence of an authoritative parenting style, a child will likely not learn to cope with frustration and disappointment effectively and resist household and familial expectations and responsibilities, leading to increased anxiety, defiance, and difficulty in managing emotions. Helicopter parenting studies suggest that too much parental involvement can hinder the development of emotional regulation and independence.
Ultimately, overly empowering your child is not adequate preparation for adulthood. They may expect to have their way in all situations and struggle with resilience when faced with setbacks or situations in which they do not have control. This lack of preparedness can hinder their ability to succeed in environments where cooperation, compromise, and perseverance are required.
An Aristotelian View on Empowerment and Virtue
From an Aristotelian perspective, the concept of personal empowerment and using one's voice for self-advocacy has merit. Aristotle emphasized the importance of developing virtues through the exercise of practical wisdom (phronesis) and finding the mean between extremes in behavior and character traits. Empowerment aligns with the Aristotelian virtue of courage, as it involves standing up for oneself and others, advocating for rights, and striving for personal growth and justice.
However, Aristotle also warned against the dangers of virtues turning into vices when they are not moderated by other virtues. In the context of child empowerment, this perspective is highly relevant. When empowerment is unfettered by other virtues such as temperance, justice, and humility, it can lead to negative outcomes, such as an entitled child and, eventually, an entitled adult.
Balancing Empowerment With Guidance
To prevent the negative effects of inappropriate empowerment, parents should focus on providing balanced empowerment. This involves setting clear expectations, providing guidance and support, and encouraging children to take on challenges while offering appropriate feedback. It is crucial for parents to be present and engaged, offering praise and criticism in a thoughtful and meaningful way that promotes growth rather than merely boosting self-esteem.
Parents should aim to balance empowerment with appropriate authoritative guidance. Here are some strategies for accomplishing this:
- Set clear boundaries: Establishing and enforcing rules helps children understand limits and respect authority.
- Provide consistent guidance: Offering consistent and fair guidance helps children learn right from wrong and develop a sense of security.
- Encourage independence within limits: Allowing children to make choices within established boundaries fosters autonomy without leading to entitlement.
- Help children evaluate authority: Teach children to understand and evaluate authority. Emphasize that proper authority is to be respected and is not an infringement of their empowerment but rather a guide for their growth and safety.
- Provide structure and virtuous authority: Structure provided by well-intentioned, virtuous authority figures and systems helps children psychologically by offering a stable, predictable environment. This stability is crucial for their emotional and social development.
- Adopt authoritative parenting: Authoritative parenting, which balances firmness with warmth, is optimal. Unlike authoritarian (rigid and punitive), permissive (lenient and indulgent), or neglectful (uninvolved and indifferent) styles, authoritative parenting fosters a healthy balance of independence and respect for rules and boundaries.
Treating children as peers and allowing them excessive influence can lead to a sense of entitlement, difficulties with authority, and emotional and behavioral issues. Children require clear boundaries and consistent guidance to feel secure and develop self-discipline and respect for rules. Without these, they may struggle with frustration, defiance, and emotional regulation, ultimately finding themselves unprepared for real-world challenges.
To mitigate these risks, parents should aim for balanced empowerment by setting clear expectations, providing consistent and fair guidance, and encouraging independence within limits. Teaching children to evaluate and respect proper authority, and to understand it as a guide for growth rather than an infringement on empowerment, are crucial. Structured environments and virtuous authority figures help children develop psychologically, offering the stability that's essential for their emotional and social development. Adopting an authoritative parenting style, which balances firmness with warmth, is the optimal strategy, fostering a healthy balance of independence and respect for rules.
By integrating these strategies, parents can equip children effectively while maintaining the necessary structure and authority to guide their development, ensuring they grow into well-rounded, resilient individuals capable of navigating life's complexities.
