Dealing with Difficult Family during the Holidays

Holidays can be great. Many people have a day (or more) off from work, which allows them to spend time with loved ones, and perhaps enjoy the bounty of good food. So for some, holidays are heavenly. But for others, holidays can be downright hellish. They are suddenly spending time with people they don't really get along with, don't have much in common, or no longer enjoy. It seems that the people you spend the holidays with might have a big part in whether your holiday is blissful or dreadful. Though that plays a role, there are probably thing that you can do to make the best, and most meaningful, memories this Thanksgiving, regardless of who you're sharing your stuffing with.

So how can you turn this holiday, or even holiday season, into a memorable one, for all the right reasons? First, try to empathize with and get to know the people you're with. A lot of times, people feel hurt that their relatives or friends don't know them well or can't relate. Instead of focusing on the negative, try to build some common bridges between you and your guests. Give them another chance and get to know them more. The more you learn, the more you'll realize how much we all have in common. It's our common humanity that unites us; we're all in this together.

Second, try to forgive past offenses. Some people fear the holidays because of previous emotional hurts or grudges. This can impair our relationships. Insofar as it's safe to do so, consider forgiving the people who have offended you in the past. Give them another chance to get to know you and relate with you. Moreover, building empathy helps this process, and facilitates forgiveness. Humility also plays a role: admitting to the ways you've offended them or let the relationship languish will make them more compassionate to forgiving you and restoring the relationship.

Finally, try to keep the bigger picture. Think about all that you have to be grateful for, even if your situations is not ideal. There is likely something that you appreciate in life, whether it's your health, your friends, your work, or even a warm place to go for the holidays. Many people are facing troubles in life, and if we count at leats some of our blessings, it might make us happier and more likely to enjoy the time we've got. Another way to keep the big picture is to try and remember what makes these times so special and meaningful. It's easy to get swept away in commercialism/materialism or bogged down with previous relational quarrels, that we forget what really matters most. Perhaps it's serving others, cultivating our relationships, or making new memories with new friends or additions to the family. Whatever that might be, try to keep a larger perspective, and you might find yourself enjoying this holiday season a little more. In fact, it might just feel like a little piece of heaven.